How to effectively traumatize your children using the city transit system

We have a list of fun things to do this summer. One of the things we had on there was to go to Temple Square and the Church Museum downtown. I was hoping to also hit The Lion House Pantry which is a cafeteria style restaurant in what was once Brigham Young’s home.

My friend and I went back and forth all morning about whether today was the day to go. When that was finally decided, we then went back and forth on should we take the train or drive.

One day, I might actually have decisive friends but then I probably wouldn’t like them because I’d probably think they were just bossy.

Even though we would be coming back in rush hour traffic a big concert going on down our way that would up the crowd of the train, we went with the train thinking it would add to the adventure.

Boy howdy, did it ever!

Step 1-decide to take the train into the city. Check.

One thing I noticed with my bus riding days of college, the crowd tends to be a bit more colorful group, to put it mildly. I think the transit system is a fantastic way to get around town but on occasion some people that get on make me hold what’s precious just a little closer. I had hoped that since it was the train, and it was the middle of the day it wouldn’t be much of a problem. While it was a little more crowded than I expected, and there was a fair share of interesting people, things seemed to be going just fine.

When the group of Hispanic teens got on, I really didn’t think much of it. It was the group that got on at the next stop that raised a flag. When I first saw Alpha Male climb aboard, I immediately stereotyped. He was kind of a big Hispanic dude, wearing a plain white T-shirt, baggy pants, a smug scowl and a closely buzzed haircut. His sunglasses were backwards on his neck where he was sporting a tattoo of a word or name in cursive. My first thought was: gangster. I felt so guilty for assuming the worst, I brushed the thought from my mind just 1.8 seconds before he started yelling and cursing at the other group that came aboard on the stop before. The yelling got louder, with more cursing as they all got involved. We were kind of scattered because of the semi-packed train and I started wondering how and when could I get to my kids who were all closer to the fight that was brewing. My oldest told me later that Alpha Male actually slapped one of the girls across the face! As this is going on, Alpha Male and his entourage are holding the train door open so the train cannot move, shirts are being grabbed, f-words are flying and the girl that got hit spit at him. As soon as the Alpha Male is gone, this lady and I started yelling, “hey there’s kids here! Either take it off the train or shut up!” (I wasn’t gonna say anything when “I’m Gonna Prove I Have a Tiny Big Weiner By Slapping A Girl” was around!!) The kids he was attacking were even saying, “I’m not getting off when he’s there!” The door closed and we moved on with both of us  thinking “What the hell did we almost get into?!”

Step 2-Almost witness a possible gang fight. Check.

We finally made it downtown without further incident, we had a great time seeing the beauty of the gardens around the temple and other areas of that peaceful city block. We went and played in the children’s exhibit at the Church Museum and rode the escalators. We then made our way to Brigham’s home for a great meal (some of the best mac n’ cheese I ever ate off my kids’ plates and the rolls…oh the rolls…). It strengthened my testimony knowing they served Diet Coke in Brigham’s home!

It was time to take the train back home. We figured it’ll get crowded with the concert but we’d be fine. We got to the platform just as the train was coming, the kids ran up to the door while the 2 mom’s with strollers followed close behind. The kids ran up the stairs onto the train and just as we were moving to get on, the doors closed.

The doors of the train holding our children closed!!!

We started pounding on the door, pushing any button we could find and nothing was opening those damn doors! The train lurched as though it was starting to go and then stopped. The doors swung open and there at the top of the stairs were our children looking scared and some crying. A man on the train notice our distress and pushed the emergency button which stopped the conductor from taking off and he opened the door. Him and 2 other men came and helped us get on the train with our heavy laden strollers and panic attacks.

Step 3- Make sure your kids get on the train and have the doors close before you can get on. Check.

Two stops later we realized we got on the wrong train, heading to the university instead of the south valley, had to get off the train after the effort of everyone getting us on the train, only to back track to the station we just left to catch the Sandy train. At this point, my 6 year old is bawling, thinking we are never going to get home to Daddy. This is also when Amy and I realize that had the train left without us on it, we would have been looking for our children along the south route when really they would have been going in almost the opposite direction and what on earth would we have done!?

Step 4- Get on the motherfreakingpieceofcrap wrong train!!! Check.

We finally get going in the right direction on a train that is already crowded that is only get even more crowded with eager concert goers. We sat as close to doors as we possibly could. Each stop more and more middle aged groupies got on that damn train. You could not move and I am not kidding. As we got closer to home I was wondering how on earth we were going to get off that train with a good dozen people smashed between us (and our 2 strollers) and the doors. Our stop was the one just before everyone else’s. My kids started realizing this, getting more and more scared we wouldn’t get off or only half of us would end up getting off. If we just went to the next stop with everyone else to come back on the other train to get back to our stop, we’d be fighting a very large crowd. We had to find a way off at our stop.

The lovely people around us started noticing our stress and crying children. I kept telling my crying 8 year old the Paul McCartney groupies were some of the nicest groupies on the planet and they would help us off. The crowd agreed. They asked when we needed to get off and they would do everything to help us off. Our stop came and they parted like Moses just commanded them, helped us down with our strollers and cheered for us when we got off!

Step 5-get wedged in to the far corner so it’s almost impossible to get off when it’s time. Check.

As my kids were sobbing with fear and their new found relief, I went to ponder land. There are people out there that will prove to you the world is full of jerks. People who make a stay at home mom taking her brood out on adventure feel guilty for actually coming out in public when she has no business being out among the civilized, which we ran into a couple of those (minus the gangster-he makes anyone just want to stay home where it’s safest). There are also people out there that prove that this world is full of goodness. The sweet missionaries at Temple Square, or the kind ladies at the Museum, the people working at the restaurant,  and the men who went above and beyond to save us from a tragedy that may keep me awake tonight, or the groupies heading for a concert. Not one of them looked at us with “what are they doing here??” eyes. Not one of them made us feel like we were less because we dared to come out in public.

Those are the people that make the world go round and prove it’s full of goodness.

That being said, how am I going to afford all of my children’s much needed therapy?!