Dream a little dream

Ever had a dream that leaves you thinking, “what the what??”

I’ve had many.

I won’t go into all of them but I do have a reoccurring theme in many of my dreams which I find hilarious. I apparently have this subconscious need to be desirable to all men. Anyone who knows the hubs and I know there is no reason for me to not feel desired. While I am paying attention to every flaw I see about me, he’s seeing the most beautiful woman in the world and you can tell by how he looks at me, even after 10 years and 3 babies. Just the other day, he had to sit up on the stand (behind the pulpit in the chapel) at church to take care of some churchy business during our worship services and every time I looked at him he was staring at me with stars in eyes. Seriously, no man should be looking at a woman at church like that, wife or not.

The dude is whooped.

And I’m still trying to figure out how I got so lucky.

Anyway, I digress.

So, I apparently wanna to be hawt and have all men pining over me, according to these dreams I keep having. The only problem is I can’t seem to have any fun in these dreams because my repulsiveness follows me into dream land! I can’t figure out why I can’t just be the polar opposite of what I am in real life. It’s just rude.

For example:

Dream #1- I meet up with a long lost friend I once worked with years ago and had a big time crush on. We end up at his house and I have a feeling things are going to get a little more personal, but apparently ElRey is okay with that so it’s all good. I guess I had the genius idea to bring my kids along (they are so omnipresent they even follow me in my dreams aaahhhh!!!). Well, of course this guy just cannot control himself anymore and attacks me, ripping open my button up shirt only to discover my ratty old granny type undies (come on, psyche, you couldn’t at least give my dream self some nice lingerie??)  all while my middle child is jumping on the couch next to us until she pees all over the couch! That’s when I wake up. (Actually just before I wake up I get the chance to hear his roommate ask him ‘if he really wants to get involved with that?’ as I am shamefully scrubbing pee out of his couch in the next room.)

Dream #2- I’m friends with an entire pro basketball team and we’ve gotten together to hang out and play ball at the gym in the church cuz where else would a pro basketball team play? One of my buddies and I are taking a turn out of the game sitting on the stairs of the stage on the side of the court (our church gyms are VERY versatile!) We are watching the game when the guy I am sitting with puts his arm over my shoulder in a friendly half embrace and while he’s cozying up, I’m trying to hide the fact that I am chewing on a grizzly piece of meat, trying to get the good stuff off and then attempting to wipe the grease off my fingers and face. End dream.

Dream #3- I’m at the gym and I need to get to the locker room but you have to go past the swimming pool to get to it. Just as I get to the door of the ladies locker room one of the cute guys from high school notices me and comes to say hi. As we’re talking/flirting, he playfully throws me in the pool we’re standing next to and jumps in after me. As I come back up to the surface I realize I have a booger hanging out of my nose! I have just enough time to be mortified and then wake up.

What I’d like to know is why a girl can’t have a little fun in her dreams?? Why do I have to be the same awkward Queen of Dorks in dreamland? Why aren’t there any unicorns involved? And the biggest question, why can’t I dream up some nice lingerie??

Please tell me you have much more satisfying dreams than me!