Smilin’ in October!

It’s that time again. Time to smile with Emmy Mom! Here’s my list of thing to smile about in October:

A fun and busy trip to beautiful Yellowstone. Downside? We watched a documentary on Yellowstone after and I realized we saw about 0.0000013% of the whole park. No bears trying to rip open my cooler, no wolves chasing down a bison and none of the over 300 waterfalls known to be in the park. I was so robbed. Curse you kids just wanting to chase and play with your dozens of cousins!!

Telling my girls about our new addition coming in May and their excitement. (Wouldn’t it have sucked if they were like, “What the??? Another one??”)

Book Club. It’s a place that gets me out of my reading comfort zone and try new books. This month was Frankenstein which I don’t really think was all that scary, more sad. It’s just a really big dude that wants to be loved! Plus, I couldn’t help thinking of Gene Wilder and a giant Peter Boyle singing “Putting on the Ritz”. Although there was the one part as Victor walks in to find his new bride dead, he looks up and finds the 8 foot monster standing in his window grinning at him. Yeah, I may have peed a little then. Plus, it’s a night involving a lot of food, laughing and we talk about anything from issues with the principal or teachers at school, fantasy crushes, gynecologists or stories of inappropriate circumcisions. The thing that worries me is every time we get together our meetings get shorter and shorter. Once upon a time we would last till 1 or 2 AM and this last time it was 11:15. Next thing you know we’ll start meeting at 4 so we can be sure to catch our reruns of Matlock and Murder She Wrote so we can get to bed by 8PM!

Naps! Naps! Naps! It’s the only way I have made it through this month. My child even told her piano teacher that I’ve been really lazy and laying around all the time lately. I can’t wait to tell her that when she experiences being a walking incubator!

Keeping my Sunday School class edgy by referencing R rated films on a regular basis.

One day I looked out the window and witnessed my 8 chickens chase down, capture and kill a mouse! One carried it around in her mouth for a while as all the chickens would try to get it from her. There was even a moment of tug o’ war!! I know I should have been thoroughly disturbed but I was as giddy as a school girl hopped up on Mt. Dew! Who needs a cat when you have killer chickens?? Good, chickens…

My DVR always makes me smile.

ElRey  took the time on Saturday to clean out our back downstairs storage room bedroom. My child can actually get to the piano to practice without having to scale the wall and pull some Mission Impossible moves! It looks amazing!

I got an email from a friend I happened to teach on my mission telling me her son, who was 7 when they joined our Church, was heading out on his mission! That is pretty stinkin cool!

Lastly, watching my little peanut doing the Macarena in an ultrasound! I could have watched it for hours if it was a normal ultrasound, but it was what I like to call “The Violator” so if we didn’t cut it short, the doc would probably have to marry me, or at least buy me dinner!

What are you smiling about today?

Angel moms and their special kids

My husband and I recently watched a movie called Temple Grandin about a woman (Temple) who grew up with autism in a time when no one knew much of anything about it.

We watched as her mother was given the diagnosis by a cold doctor when her daughter was 4 years old. This man told a woman who has been trying everything to help and love her daughter that the cause of autism is ‘cold and aloof mothers that don’t give their child affection’. He then told her the only option was to institutionalize her daughter. Well, that ‘cold and aloof’ mother got her child to talk, read and think for herself and even go to college , receiving a PhD.
Although you didn’t see the mom a ton in the film, I loved her immediately. Because of her hard work and attention to her daughter with special needs, Temple has lived a rich and happy life in spite of her difference and how others saw her.
Unfortunately, autism is being diagnosed more and more with not a whole lot more answers on how or where it comes from. Fortunately, there are more programs and schools that cater to these needs and these children aren’t being immediately thrown into mental hospitals to be forgotten.
I have 2 nephews that are on the autism spectrum. They are angels walking on this earth trapped behind a wall that makes it difficult for them to communicate or show love to those they love the most. I watch in awe as their mothers do everything they can for these boys. They try any new diet, take them to specialty doctors, try holistic approaches, shots, anything that may open a window to their little boy. None of this is cheap and they sacrifice to make it happen. They have even sacrificed any free time they may have because it’s too hard to leave them with a babysitter too often. On occasion, there is the stare or open judgment of strangers (even friends or family members) who sometimes just don’t understand.
I know my sisters-in-law were meant to be these 2 boys mothers. I watch the patience and love that exudes from these women. Their dedication to the safety and happiness of these boys is inspiring and humbling. They remind me of Temple’s mom who did everything to help her daughter overcome her challenges. I know God sends these children to women like Heather and Jen because He knew they could love them through all the hard. I know these mothers are God’s angels on this earth watching out for His special children.
Anyone out there with children with special needs that may be reading this, know that you are doing everything you can for them. Never think for one minute that you are failing or have done something wrong. You have that child because God knew YOU could love them through the hard.

The Announcement

When we found out we were pregnant, we were very excited to share the news! It was especially hard for me to hold in that kind of secret and I failed on a number of occasions. I knew I wanted to do something special to tell our girls about the news. They have been asking for a baby brother for a very long time and I kept telling them that as soon as daddy grew a uterus we’d get right on that. That usually got them sufficiently confused so they would stop asking.

So when we actually were pregnant we wanted to make a big deal about it since their ages made them more aware of what was going on and to be excited about it. I started searching online for how to go about telling them and the best ideas all involved a T-shirt with the announcement on it. I am pathetically craft challenged so I didn’t want to rely on my skillz so I started searching the internets for the perfect shirts. That’s where I found this cute store:

Here you can buy all sorts of personalized shirts for siblings and birth orders and even birth announcements that Erin Delanty has created. There are so many cute choices and you can add each child’s name to the shirt. Here’s some of my favorites:

                  

We finally picked one we could both agree on:

  and 

There are Dad/Grandpa shirts. Here is my favorite ‘Dad Shirt’:

I need to get that for ElRey! Hopefully we haven’t used up all our adorable juices and the 4th one comes out looking like a monkey or something!

They also have some of the cutest blankies for your newest baby!

And the most adorable tooth fairy pillows I’ve ever seen!

So back to our announcement. We decided to give them the shirts the morning we left for Yellowstone so they can show them off to their aunts, uncles and cousins since we hadn’t told them yet. So here’s the video of them finding out. Please ignore my voice-I sound like a drunken sailor in drag, and apparently inflicted with the consumption but my kids are cute!

Mama’s Pregnant!!

 

It was so fun to have each family see the shirts and react. There was more excitement about it than I expected-since this is the 4th kid and all! It was fun to see their surprise and happiness for our growing family!

The kids wear their shirts at least once or twice a week and they love them! I had many people come and ask if it was true since my sweet nibblets have been shouting their joy from the rooftops…and their shirts..

Why am I so sleepy and sore when I wake up?

This is my bed:

I know, it screams romance. I’m all about ambience. But it’s huge. Plenty of room, right?

Somehow my space seems to shrink every night:

And this is why:

Let’s just say it makes for a very long night and a very tired and sore mommy.

Why I’ve been crazy…well…crazier..

I just thought it was a very bad case of indigestion. Who knew that fingers, toes and hair could be nauseous?? Turns out it much more than an eternal little stomach bug:

It’s a tiny humanoid growing in the baby cave! Here’s ElRey’s last chance for a manchild! Everyone pray for boy parts! Goodness knows there is pa-lenty of estrogen in this house!! The doc said that thing on top of the belly is an arm bud but my guess is it’s a little tambourine or maracas.

Status Quote

My homegirls Emmy Mom and CA Girl started a new monthly Meme called:

Basically you copy your favorite status’ from Facebook and share them with the rest of us. So link up and play! Here’s a few I have enjoyed the past month:

“Victoria's Secret now has Halloween costumes. I hope they have an Iron Man for my son.”

“I think it's ironic that I can't tell the difference between the Mormon ads and the cheesy Folgers commercials until the last 2 seconds of each.” (Us Mormons don’t drink coffee)

“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I am the sane one? (are you frightened?)”

“My vacuum likes to feel neglected.”

“Life would be so much easier if there was a sarcasm font.”

I also love the whole relationship status because this is where I usually stick my foot right in my mouth. Which is difficult with my computer in my lap but somehow I manage to be successful every time someone changes theirs from ‘married’ to ‘single’ or somewhere in between. Like the time I saw a guy change his from married to single, which left me perplexed so I finally wrote something silly thinking he was being silly. I said, “Does your wife know?” I know, funny, right? I’m hilarious. What I failed to do before I finally said something was to update my home page and see the several comments already there so by the time I had said my bit of cleverness he had already explained that, sadly, him and his wife had divorced. And then I come in looking like a D-O-R-K! He was like, “What do you mean, does she know? I haven’t lived there in months!” AAAWWWKKKWWAAAARRDDDD!

But that didn’t stop me from doing it again, no sir! Another guy switched his from ‘married’ to ‘in an open relationship’. Okay, that has to be a joke, right?? Right?? Please? So here I go again with a “What the??” He proceeded to tell us all that was had gotten divorced in the summer but thought ‘open relationship’ sounded better than divorced……………….because swingers are so much more socially acceptable than the divorced…Yeah…okay..totally..

So one day I will learn to just keep my big mouth mouth shut….maybe…probably not….dammit.

The Elusive Tip

I think the fog of the plague is finally lifting! The only problem is things started looking clearer just before bedtime so guess who is wide awake? It’s all good though because if I wasn’t you wouldn’t be able to benefit from my wisdom and prose. Okay, okay, it’s really just me talking out of my butt. But your gonna read it and you’re gonna like it…or else..

Maybe the fog hasn’t totally lifted….I cannot be held accountable for what may be written here tonight..

I have something very serious to talk about. That’s right, tips. Now I am an expert on tips like-no you should not be wearing that thong with those super low rise jeans that are 2 sizes too small and a belly shirt, or 15 ways to scar your children for life in 5 minutes flat, or never watch a movie that has zombie clowns in it just before bedtime.

The tip I struggle with is the one you leave for your server, hairdresser, bell boy or bookie. The one for the server seems to me to be a no brainer- 20% or better of your final bill. I don’t ever want a good server walking away thinking I was the cheapest skank on earth. Course you can already catch on to that by viewing my ill fitting pants (but no visible thong, thank you), my nasty flip flops and complete lack of accessories but I don’t want to prove it to her in my tip.

But it doesn’t just end there. I like to get take out for 2 reasons 1-I like to pig out in the privacy of my own home without patrons gawking at me like I’m the bearded lady at the fair while I gnaw on that rib bone like a ravenous caveman(you so want to date me, huh! I know, ElRey is one lucky guy.) and 2- I don’t want to leave a tip. But then they trick you by trying to bring your food out to your car or being super nice and even having audacity to put the dread ‘tip’ line on the receipt! So then I look like a jackass for putting a line through it and the total for the food below it. They did not bring food to my table, refill my drinks or clean up after me. They put my food in a bag that I drove there to pick up, refilled my own drink and cleaned up my own mess. So do I really need to leave them a tip? Do you guys think I’m a cheap jackass yet?

I love that now fast food restaurants are getting in on the fun now with these cups hanging out the drive thru window with a giant TIPS written across it. I have worked in the fast food industry and it sucked royally and anyone who lasts 6 months deserves a medal but I would never expect a tip I was already being paid to make their food and call their number when it was ready. Heck, I’d even offer them ketchup of fry sauce without expecting a nickel in return! So why are we suddenly having to tip these guys?

Then we have the hairdresser. This is a difficult job involving trying to get your client to look just like that picture of Rachel from Friends without them blaming you when they realize no matter how they cut their hair they will never look like her. It’s such a personal job and they deserve extra credit for a job well done. But I never know how to gauge the size of the tip by my happiness in my new ‘do. It seems that the 15/20% doesn’t apply in this profession but I just dropped $60 (that I usually can’t afford and don’t do often) for her good work. I never feel like I tip enough and always walk away hoping she knows how much I appreciate her work.

And besides I am in the hardest job on earth and never once have I been tipped for making food, cleaning up food, wiping butts and doing their laundry. The closest I have come to a tip is a kick in the crotch, vomit down my shirt or a nicely screamed, “I HATE YOU!!!” Which is why I have no problem using their Tooth Fairy or birthday money on drink runs. Just kidding. Kind of.

So to all you service workers that deserve a tip, remember that even if you don’t get the tip you expected or feel you’ve earned just know it may not always be because your customer/client is a jerk and/or cheap. It may be that it’s all they can afford to give or they may not know the rules. Just know your hard work is appreciated. I mean, my kids show how much they appreciate me by telling me I’m the worst mom in the world or crapping on my floor so what I’m saying is, it could be worse.

Friday Confessions

It’s that awesome time again to confess with Glamazon! It’s really the only way I get to ‘hang out’ with her lately. Since I’m not cool enough to live in her millionaire neighborhood and rich and fancy friends or be some sort of surgeon. hehehehehe I will just sit here in the ghetto that  she left for bigger and better and long for the days when we hung out in real life and blog my sadness and tears. sob.

• I have death a cold.
• I’ve always wondered how such an insignificant little virus can make you wish for death.
• Or at least some sort of narcotic.
• Maybe a morphine drip.
• Sometimes I wonder about my pain threshold.
• I think it’s pretty high but then I do like my legal narcotics.
• When I had my car accident back in April I hurt no matter what I took.
• Except for this natural muscle relaxer that was pretty awesome.
• But I think it was more that it made me not care that my head felt like it was being ripped off my body.
• I’ve heard marijuana helps with pain.
• And during that time, if I knew how to get some I would’ve totally lit up.
• And then ended up with a special garden in my basement.
• Cuz I totally need another addiction.
• And an illegal one at that.
• My addictions to exercise, healthy food, service and prayer are enough for me to deal with at this time of my life.
• The other day I went to have my eyebrows done. I laid on the table while the girl did her thing, jumped off the table and my back went out!
• I was laying down and stood up and BAM! I was stuck like bent over old man.
• I wobbled out of there as quickly as possible to save whatever fraction of dignity I had left.
• It was a small fraction. Miniscule.
• I didn’t have a whole lot to begin with.

Epic Family Weekend

What happens when you take this:

And one of these:

Throw in some of these:

A faithful geyser and it’s cousins:

After a very, very, very long drive filled with joy and love (and 5 freaking pee breaks!!!):

(This is what happens to a man after a 5 hour drive filled with joyous children in the backseat)

You get-

 The Epic Semi-Often Thomas Trip of Awesomeness!

This is the 3rd time my family has done something like this but it was the first time all my siblings were there. This was our second time in Yellowstone and then we did a trip to Moab, too. We don’t believe in going to kid-friendly places with dancing dolls and roller coasters. Oh no, we like to make them work for their entertainment! With 20+ cousins and a giant cabin, it doesn’t take much work. I hardly saw my children after we got there. We were sadly missing my sister-in-law and 2 of her kids but everyone else was there.

I was a little worried as the trip began since my kids threw a fit any time we asked them to help us with something and when we hadn’t even left the Salt Lake Valley and they were asking if we were there yet or the fact that we hadn’t been driving a half an hour before they needed to pee-that continued every hour, no joke! That crazy astronaut lady and her adult diapers is sounding less and less crazy to me…

Now I have driven to Calgary, Alberta at the end of a terrible stomach bug stuffed in an Astro Van with 5 brothers, I’ve driven to Mount Rushmore stuffed in the same van, Illinois, the middle of Baja Mexico in a short bus full of uncomfortable and exhausted college students and I’ve even driven through the entire Yellowstone park ‘on the way home’ (which ended up being about 10 hours long) 7 months pregnant with my first child resulting in thiankles that were numb and useless by the time we got home. All of these drives do not compare to the delightful drive with my sweet children this past weekend. It was the longest 5 hours of my life! I think at one point I even turned around to my children and said “You have made this one of the worst days of my life! And I’ve been in labor and given birth to 3 children!” It was my finest hour.

Each morning we awoke to a herd of buffalo running through the house the pitter pat of little feet running circles through the house. By the end of the day my ears were ringing from all the joyous squeals and laughter coming from so many happy, playful children! They really do all get along really well and have a lot of fun together.

Just a fraction of the children.

Only a few regrets. 1-Not one freaking bear. I even put my kids out in a field covered in honey to coax one out but all I got was some sobbing kids. Lame. 2- I wanted to explore the park more. We saw the barest minimum but it took all day, and I think that was all the kids could take. 3-More than half of us came home with a death cold. I know we were all living in the same house but it’s not like we were licking each other’s cups or anything! SHEESH!!