I’m an expert now.

I have been a mother of four now for just over 6 weeks.

I now know all and will freely give you my knowledge.

You’re welcome.

-Laundry is never ending. If you think you’ve gotten everything done and can sit down with a cup o’ Joe, you probably have a mountain of laundry lurking in the dark, laughing at you.

-Kids have no concept of the whole 6 weeks recuperation, sleep when the baby sleeps or of the word ‘no’, the phrase ‘stop it’, or ‘if you touch your sister one more time, I’m gonna sell you to the gypsies!!!’ They don’t give a rat’s bum if your tired, hurting or curled up in the fetal position in a dark closet sobbing uncontollably repeating the phrase “findahappyplace, findahappyplace just plain dazed. They expect that cup of milk/play date/monkey/trip to Lagoon/a sudden neighborhood party in your living room even if it means you have to double up on the drugs to get ‘er done.

-The house will never be clean again and you need to accept that. Even when you happened to find an old potato in your living room.

-It is better to leave the house and go to the zoo, park, pool, landfill than to stay home listening to everyone fight and beg for more food. This will most likely lead to more laundry pile ups and old potatoes in random places. Embrace it. Love it.

-The beginning of summer when older children are out of school and looking for things to do is not the most convenient time to have a baby.

-There is no convenient time to have a baby.

-If you happen to take the kids to the pool and have the notion that you are part Italian and think you can go for an hour without sunblock, you will be reminded that you are really part Welsh. A sunburned and nursing bosom is an angry bosom.

-No matter the age of a child, they will think a newborn baby is actually a baby doll and will treat it as such.

-The more children you have, the nastier your car will become. A friend of mine with 4 boys found 3 different bananas in her car at 3 different stages of decomposition.

-It’s alright if you find yourself wanting to cry every day a couple times a week a couple times a month. This is a tough business.

-You may sometimes find yourself being jealous of this kid’s life:

Good or bad, it’s quite the life. I’m not saying I’m gonna be a mother of 5 ever any time soon but this life pretty much rocks…most of the time…when I’m not hiding in the the closet..

Getting our Scottish on

We ventured out to Thanksgiving Point this weekend to get some culture in the form of The Scottish Festival. We didn’t know what really to expect but we were pleasantly surprised! Since it was Thanksgiving Point the girls were expecting dinosaur bones or at the very least a chance to ride a pony and pet a goat. They were thoroughly pleased with the awesome music,

face painting,

                              log toss,

and lots of Irish dancing. Plus, they all got to spend a couple bucks at a booth, which is really why we go to these things is to spend money, right?

As you can see, Lucy had a blast.

Since it was a Scottish festival, I was hoping to find Haggis-on-a-stick but as Mike Myers once said, “All Scottish cuisine is based on a dare” so I wasn’t too disappointed with my 2nd choice, kettle corn.

Due to the Celtic blood coursing through my veins, a man in a kilt always gets me giddy. Add a sword to the outfit and I’m yours so I went hoping to find him there:

 

He wasn’t. But this guy was:

 

 

I’m just glad he wasn’t “one of those Scots”.

I come by it naturally

I while back I told you all how I have a real skill of putting my foot in my mouth. For those you didn’t read it or want to enjoy my shame again, click here.

Well, I did it again last night. It was so bad I had to eat a chocolate donut to get the foot taste out of my mouth. But I’m not going to tell you what I did because it’s too fresh. Instead, I’ll throw those I love under the bus today because that’s what a blog is for.

One of my favorite moments with my husband was last summer. I had taken my girls swimming and while there these two women came with their kids. What I couldn’t help notice was that these women were both bigger girls-similar to my own physique. There I was in my mommy tankini-as covered as possible with skirt and all and they showed up in these little bikinis. Now, I don’t care what you wear, if you feel comfortable in it, good for you. I do think some people look better in certain things than others. Bikinis are one of those things. So I kept watching these women marveling that they felt so comfortable in such tiny swimsuits with ample flesh showing.

When I got home that afternoon, I was telling ElRey about it. It went something like this:

Me: It sometimes amazes me how many women that are my size or bigger wear bikinis and feel comfortable in them..

ElRey: I KNOW!! IT’S SO DIGUSTING!!!! I can’t believe…..(pausing at my gapping mouth) Omigosh!! I didn’t mean that! I just meant…ummmm…crap…uuhh

Me: Remind me to  burn all of my lingerie later….and always remain fully clothed….     

Note that I didn’t say anything about going on a diet, that’s just silliness!

For the record, my feelings weren’t hurt(too much) and we laugh(cry) about this moment regularly…poor stupid guy…hehe

The other unfortunate soul for this post is my awesome mother. My sweet, always kind, loving and loved mother.

She was invited to a baby shower (possibly for the last time). While there she asked the happy couple what they will be naming their baby. It went something like this:

Mom: Do you have a name picked out for the baby?

Parents: Yes. Tungsten.

Mom: BWWAAHAHAHA That’s a nice name!! *wipes tear* That kid would be beat up in school! *snort*Awwhhh man….Really…what are you going to name him?

Parents: Uummmm..Tungsten…

Mom: Oh…wow…that’s great, really…sorry..

Parents: It’s okay…that’s how my mom reacted to it, too.

 

Yes, I am in good company.

One reason I am surprised I wasn’t called in for a Parent Teacher Conference

Do your kids write in journals at school? Mine do.

And they may one day get me into trouble. Here is one of my 9 year old’s journal entries. I kept the spelling the same for authenticity. And cuz it’s cute.

5/12/11

When I was watching a show called “I didn’t know I was peregent!” So this lady went to an amuzment park and went on a rollercoaster. Her stoamch started to hurt so she went to the bathroom and had a baby. She was standing there saying “HELP!” While there was a cord hanging out of her bum!!

 

I’m just glad she didn’t write about that one episode of Jersey Shore…at least I hope she didn’t…

“No CPS, Mindi does not live here…no hablo english…