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I confess~
- I went to book club last night totally stoned.
- I cannot be held responsible for anything I said or did.
- I couldn’t figure out why when I came home, my clothes were on inside out and backwards and I had my bra tied around my forehead and I had ‘war paint’ smeared under my eyes.
- I am still trying to figure out who invited Donald Trump and Cleopatra to the party. Dude, that lady is whiny and “The Donald” kept looking down her toga. So rude.
- I also learned that having a guy read any part of the “Twilight series” to you makes it seem dirty and shameful.
- And very funny.
- Sometimes I make fun of myself so much I actually hurt my own feelings.
- Then I give myself the silent treatment.
- That usually involves an obscene amount of chocolate, fried foods and a fat and sugar coma.
- That always seems to make me feel better.
- I went to a chiropractor today.
- I didn’t learn much about what’s wrong with my back yet.
- I did learn that my Metamucil addiction is brought on by a back that is out of line.
- I also learned that I carry 15 more lbs of my weight on my left side.
- I’m just glad to know my right side is 15 lbs skinner than my left.
- I apparently have no reflexes in my right arm at this point
- But it shakes involuntarily all the time.
- I got the palsies.
- Weird.
- There is goes again. I guess it’s time to lay back down and watch my Wii *snicker*
- Now I want a snickers.
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14 comments:
I wish I could have been at book club to see the show ;)
Hope they can figure out what is going on with your back.
Are you still stoned??!! Donald and Cleopatra??
Man, I left too early then?!! Holy Cow! You were not that stoned, Donald & cleo were there!! ha ha ha I kept wondering why you had your hand down your shirt, but whatever makes you happy!! HA HA HA HA !
Stoner......mmmmmm Snickers
Mmmmm Fried foods and sugar.....They make me feel happy. I wish I could give myself the silent treatment...I never shut up!
Hi.
Found your blog through Glamazon. I like you :) I think I'll follow :) Ok seriously that's like said in a little 2 year old voice :) I'm not that weird.
Hope you find out what's wrong with your back.
LOL! You totally crack me up! I want to join your book club. :)
I hope they can figure out what's wrong with your back.
If we were real life friends I would bring you a snickers.
Stop it with the book club talk, I seriously am going to crawl under my bed and cry. But I'm sure it was fun. Especially if you were stoned-let's be honest here, you're about as fun as they come without any drugs in you.
You're hooked to Metamucil?
PS-Does your left half secretly hate your right for being the skinny sister?
You are cracking me up with the diabolical hexes on an old lady while "the twins" are hiding behind a divinely inspired bra. I'm sorry about your bumper. And your back. I seriously feel your pain. But I am disappointed my chiropractor didn't designate which one was my heavy side. Although it is obvious, even without legal pain killers on board, that my "twins" in the back are seriously bigger than the "twins" in the front. Something is wrong with this picture.
There are no pink elephants.
Good luck with the injuries. Sounds like a 30 Rock coma and a Snickers (or two or three) are the way to go. I may just join you -- if I can figure out how to "activate" my Wii with Netflix. (that DOES sound kind of dirty!)
When your hand is shaking, try to bite your ear. Your dr will send you straight to uni! I am so entertained when I hear you say @ book club that you have a story for every topic!!! Even stoned you are clever.
Twilight series at a book club? My teenage daughter loves it, but I just don't get it. Guess I'm past the age of fantasizing...
I have had a lot of thoughts bounding around n my head lately, and it just occurred to me that this confessional format might be the perfect place to get them all organized.
You're greatness has inspired me to give it a shot....and for that, I salute you!
Oh, you are hilarious! (Found you through The Purse Blogger) I'm a new fan.
okay so im going to make a confession of my own on your page...ready?
i read your first confession and didnt even read the rest. i exited out, clicked the 'follow this blog' icon, THEN read the rest. lol!!!
totally not what i was expecting and too damn funny!!
; )
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