How my therapy makes me feel pretty

  This is how a neck should look, apparently.           

       This is kinda what my neck looks like due to that stupid accident.

Which is why I was in severe and constant pain for almost 3 weeks and my right arm was in constant dance mode. My arm still jumps every once in a while and my neck still gets fatigued and a little sore but I am getting stronger. I even ran a couple miles on my treadmill with success. I think I am almost all the way back.

Therapy is down right redonkulous but necessary and I have graduated from 5 days in the Dr.’s office to 3 days a week. I still have to do my exercises/stretches/whatever you wanna call them twice everyday.  It’s getting harder to want to do them morning and night if it weren’t for the fact that they make me feel so pretty and I will show you why.

My Dr. uses the Pettibon System to realign the spine to it’s correct curves and angles. When he first said “Pettibon System” I immediately heard Bill Murray singing his famous “Star Wars Theme Song” And then thought -----“In a galaxy far, far away in the Pettibon System, inhabitants walked with perfect posture. The Empire was angered by this seeings how the Emperor is really slouchy and Darth Vader has to wear a big plastic suit just breathe and survive. The Empire plans to strike this system not with the Death Star and Storm troopers, nay, not even with a Sithe Lord, but with hover craft accidents and horrible office chairs. Will the Republic be able to save this peaceful and erect civilization from pinched nerves and the dreaded slouch?”

Anyway----- I had the pleasure of buying some of the torture devices for personal use at home. I am pretty sure that Chiropractors looked through a text book of medieval torture devices, tested them out and said, yes this will fix your spine!! Although I joke about it, I do believe in the Gospel of Chiropractic, I just find the practices to be a little crazy looking.

So here’s what I do twice a day(the way I talked myself into it today was to take pictures of myself doing it to show off my mad skillz in taking torture):

We start with a good lynching right in my hallway. 20 times.

 

 

 

 

 

I then get to be a queen with my weighted crown of power, my weighted sash of wisdom and my posture strap of beauty. I think it really accentuates the positive and I’m totally bringing sexy back. I wear this as long as possible. I’m up 15 minutes.

 

 

 

 

 

What’s this you ask? Oh this is the fun “Recurve”. I’m pretty sure this was used at Gitmo. All that’s missing here is watering dripping or being dumped on my face.

 

 

 

 

I lay my neck on the top foam bar and with that bottom one, I strap my head down. I lay on this for as long as possible without vomiting or passing out or both. I’m up to 11 minutes and I’ve even fallen asleep on it, twice. Maybe that just means I should be going to bed before 1AM.

As you may have guessed, this takes me almost an hour to do. I’ve tried reading, talking on the phone and watching TV upside down. All work well but I’d much rather just remain slouched all comfy like into my couch. It takes about 30 minutes at the very least to talk myself into doing it every time. But when I finally do it, I just lurve every second of it.

Don’t you just love therapy??