Ten Things to Smile About

 

My blogger BFF Emmy does this thing every month where she lists the top 10 things from her month and I keep wanting to join her but keep failing. I figure I’ve been so downright suicidal Captain Grumpypants for the past year couple months I ought to do it, you know, turn over a new leaf or something like that.

1. My gradumacation from the community college!

2. With my family cheering me on.

 

3. Getting a laptop-which I really can take anywhere, trust me, I’ve tried!

4. My baby’s first piano recital where she totally nailed her music!

5. Brownies and licking the spoon….hhhmmmmm

6. Pony rides.

7.FORTS!!!!

8. Learning to ride a bike without training wheels!

   

9. Being married to this guy:

10. Being pitied cool enough to earn a few awards!

Laura from PurseBlogger gave me this one. She’s so fun and I can’t believe she thought of me for this award! She really is a delight! Go check her out.  So many people light up my life but here’s only a few:

I have 3 SIL’s that blog and they are great to read! I swear this isn’t just nepotism-they really are rays of sunshine!

Heather where she talks about her cute son who has autism.

Jana, she is always inspirational and looking for the positive in life.

Ruth, I just love to read about her family since they live so far away! It’s like being right there!

Gae, who is a pure delight in everyway and happens to be my brother’s mother-in-law!

And of course there’s the twins of no relation (to me or each other) but they brighten my day:

Krista and Cassie, they both share funny and sweet stories about their kids, plus, they still like me even though I tend to break things or almost burn things down…

This one I got from my IRL-BFF Glamazon. I am so lucky to know her, seriously! She’s even awesomer live! Trust me!

This one I am giving to:

My awesome friend, Rachel, I am sure one day I will be swearing up and down that I knew her way back before she was a famous author!

To Tristan who is always exercising her writing muscles with days with her kids to living with diabetes.

Stacy, she picked up her family and moved ‘Down Under’ for a few years, keeping us all updated, and has now come back to to the States and started a new blog but with the same great writing and photography!

And lastly, to April who has a 4 year old boy and 2 year old twins and has lived to tell the tale AND make you laugh while at it!

Tylaine over at Just Me gave me this award which is really only appropriate late into a girl’s night when you’ve had waaay too much junk food and you are loopy with a sugar coma and lack of kids. So I’m aaalll over it! teehee I think I list 5 celebrities I would give up my virtue to. Of course, the only man that gets that is my lucky husband but we can pretend, right??

1. Robert Downey Jr. has always made me swoon a little but he’s only gotten better with age!

2. Owen Wilson just makes me giggle with glee! Every time I see him I want to lounge around on the beach with him and a nice cool drink!

 

3. This goes without saying but Bob Harper could work me out any time!

4. Gerard Butler had me at “Music of the Night”!

5. Johnny Depp. I don’t know what it is but he can even make a gross pirate look sexy!

Man, that was hard but get me going and I could have a ginormous list! So now I pass this prestigious award to:

Amy R.

Rikke

Wym

Jillian

Lolee

I hope you’ve all had a fantastic Memorial Weekend and a big thanks to all those serving our country and their families!!

Confessional

It’s confessional Friday and since this is a rare treat to hang, sort of, with my BFF, Glamazon, I just have to participate. Man, I miss that lady and her dance moves-if you get too close, though, you might get wacked with her ‘huge tracks of land’, and trust me, it’s like a sandbag to the face! ;)

I confess~

• Right now I have “Yakkity Yak, Don’t Talk Back” stuck in my head.
• But not just any normal version of the song, I have Governor Ahnold singing it, you know, back when he sang it in his hit movie “Twins”?
• It’s really hard to master a fake Austrian accent and sing at the same time.
• I am a flat iron addict and I have been ‘sober’ for 14 days.
• I miss my hot baby.
• My hair is probably happier, even if it is poofier..
• Most people get their hair done every 6 weeks or so.
• I get mine done every 6 months.
• I’ve got my semi annual appointment next month
• And boy, does Carlee have her work cut out for her! Sharpen those scissors, lady!
• “Cut out”?? Get it Baahahahahhaha
• I think I need to get out of the house more…
• Yesterday I broke my urine sample cup during midstream at the doctor’s.
• You’re probably wondering, wow, she has a Herculean pee stream!
• Nope. I was apparently holding on to the cup with a little more effort than was necessary.
• And it buckled on my Herculean thumb and pointy finger.
• So I was sitting there with a leaky cup, still going, laughing my head off with my pants around my ankles.
• I’m sure everyone outside was wondering what I was doing in there.
• Maybe that’s why they were staring at me when I came out.
• That explains the mental evaluation….at the gynecologist… 

The miraculous slip cover

When ElRey and I were first married, we didn’t plan on buying any furniture because we had no money. But one day we happened to be visiting RC Willey and saw this great living room set(which, by the way, every other young couple within a 20 mile radius apparently bought, too) for relatively cheap and since RC Willey hands out credit to any old dumbass, we ended up with a nice set of couches, end tables, lamps and a coffee table and a lovely monthly payment.

Things started disappearing from our little set through the years. First, it was the coffee table that had a cracked leg and we feared a head injury being inflicted on the smallest of family members. Then a lamp moved into the bedroom. To save space, we moved an end table out of our front room. Suddenly our living room set became just the couches and end table with lamp.

For our children these couches have been a trampoline, table, napkin, art pad, and toilet. We’ve tried cleaning them with a carpet cleaner, spot cleaning and we’ve even thrown the upholstery in the washer! Yeah, they shrank. As much as we’d love to renew our monthly payments at good ole RC Willey, we decided to resort to the next best thing. Slip covers.

*Note, I am sure there will be at least 3 comments of people saying they have these same couches just from this small peek,

With the slip covers we suddenly had brand new couches. And, they’re washable and shrinkable!  They saved us from humiliation of water stains and funky smells. They renewed our living room and our love for one another. Okay, so it didn’t go quite that far, but we were no longer embarrassed of our living room.

The problem is that now I think there should be a slip cover for everything. Something you just drape over whatever may be unseemly and make it new again. That way magic would happen. Allow me to demonstrate.

<---This becomes this---->

 

<---This becomes this--->

 

<---This becomes this--->

 

 

<------This becomes this---->

Now, for those slip covers, I’d make a special trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond. I’d even buy ‘em on credit!

My kids can build a computer

Note the pink ‘mouse’ aka MP3 player.

Watch out Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.

What can your kid do?

How my therapy makes me feel pretty

  This is how a neck should look, apparently.           

       This is kinda what my neck looks like due to that stupid accident.

Which is why I was in severe and constant pain for almost 3 weeks and my right arm was in constant dance mode. My arm still jumps every once in a while and my neck still gets fatigued and a little sore but I am getting stronger. I even ran a couple miles on my treadmill with success. I think I am almost all the way back.

Therapy is down right redonkulous but necessary and I have graduated from 5 days in the Dr.’s office to 3 days a week. I still have to do my exercises/stretches/whatever you wanna call them twice everyday.  It’s getting harder to want to do them morning and night if it weren’t for the fact that they make me feel so pretty and I will show you why.

My Dr. uses the Pettibon System to realign the spine to it’s correct curves and angles. When he first said “Pettibon System” I immediately heard Bill Murray singing his famous “Star Wars Theme Song” And then thought -----“In a galaxy far, far away in the Pettibon System, inhabitants walked with perfect posture. The Empire was angered by this seeings how the Emperor is really slouchy and Darth Vader has to wear a big plastic suit just breathe and survive. The Empire plans to strike this system not with the Death Star and Storm troopers, nay, not even with a Sithe Lord, but with hover craft accidents and horrible office chairs. Will the Republic be able to save this peaceful and erect civilization from pinched nerves and the dreaded slouch?”

Anyway----- I had the pleasure of buying some of the torture devices for personal use at home. I am pretty sure that Chiropractors looked through a text book of medieval torture devices, tested them out and said, yes this will fix your spine!! Although I joke about it, I do believe in the Gospel of Chiropractic, I just find the practices to be a little crazy looking.

So here’s what I do twice a day(the way I talked myself into it today was to take pictures of myself doing it to show off my mad skillz in taking torture):

We start with a good lynching right in my hallway. 20 times.

 

 

 

 

 

I then get to be a queen with my weighted crown of power, my weighted sash of wisdom and my posture strap of beauty. I think it really accentuates the positive and I’m totally bringing sexy back. I wear this as long as possible. I’m up 15 minutes.

 

 

 

 

 

What’s this you ask? Oh this is the fun “Recurve”. I’m pretty sure this was used at Gitmo. All that’s missing here is watering dripping or being dumped on my face.

 

 

 

 

I lay my neck on the top foam bar and with that bottom one, I strap my head down. I lay on this for as long as possible without vomiting or passing out or both. I’m up to 11 minutes and I’ve even fallen asleep on it, twice. Maybe that just means I should be going to bed before 1AM.

As you may have guessed, this takes me almost an hour to do. I’ve tried reading, talking on the phone and watching TV upside down. All work well but I’d much rather just remain slouched all comfy like into my couch. It takes about 30 minutes at the very least to talk myself into doing it every time. But when I finally do it, I just lurve every second of it.

Don’t you just love therapy??

Confessional with Glamazon

It’s that time again. Time to let it all out. Kinda like going without a bra. Not that I EVER do that! That just wouldn’t be appropriate….

I confess:

• I often wonder why women wear shoes they cannot even walk in.
• I don’t care how rockin the shoe is. If they make you wobble with or without assistance-DO NOT WEAR THEM!!!
• On the way to The Pit of Despair my doctor’s office, I pass a billboard that says, “Can I kiss someone with Chlamydia?”
• I am so not kidding.
• I think the real question is would you really want to??
• I think that’s a little like saying, “can I kiss someone with a big gaping sore on their mouth?” or “Should I use the toilet paper I found on the public bathroom floor?”
• I’m just sayin.
• I forgot to put on deodorant today.
• I think I’m still okay.
• I checked.
• I think my flat iron died today.
• So I tried using my clothes iron.
• Man, that thing sucks!
• It takes me about 2 hours to wake up in the morning.
• It takes my children about .002 seconds to wake up.
• I have been known to call my home phone with my cell phone from my bed to tell my 8 year old she needs to get ready for school.
• I realized all the amazing jobs (not that I am really looking for one) I can get with my Associate's degree are pretty much all the same ones I could get BEFORE I got my Associate’s degree.
• Actually, the thought of actually getting a job makes me throw up a little in my mouth.
• I’m such a beach bum!
• With no beach.
• Unless you count the Great Salt Lake beach.
• But would you really want to??

Now go check out Glamazon and all the other confessions she induced with her coolness!