Random thoughts on a Tuesday evening.

I hate math. I know in my brain somewhere is a door. Behind that door is where God stored all my mathematical genius. Only problem is the door is locked, I am peeking through the key hole but there is no key to be found. It may be with my car keys in that vortex in the closet. Math is for people who don’t know how to make real friends so they make up imaginary friends or play Dungeons and Dragons 3 times a week. Imaginary numbers???? Seriously??? “I can’t solve this problem with real numbers…I know, Snuffleupagus, I’ll make up ‘imaginary numbers’ to solve the problem!” And that, my friends, is how algebra was born. My own personal Hell would be days spent trying to figure out story problems but I keep plugging the numbers in the wrong place and messing up my +/-. But seriously, IMAGINARY NUMBERS???? Come on!!

I took my 2 daughters to Cecret Lake (Yes, that is really how it is spelled, I am not kidding.) on Labor Day. So did everyone else within a 20 mile radius of the canyon. not only did I have to carry myself, which according to a couple recent doctors , I am pretty substantial, but I carried a backpack full of water and jackets and I got to drag my 5 year old up and down the mountain while dodging 435 other families dragging their little children up/down the mountain. All this without an ounce of Diet Coke in my bloodstream to help me cope. There is nothing I like less then having to take her hiking(besides math). It is all complaining and dragging, complaining and dragging. But for some reason she still really likes it and always wants to go. The poor thing fell in the water, though, and she was wet all the way back. Between meeting up with people, getting up the canyon, taking the shuttles and making it back down the canyon, it took us 6 hours. 6 hours for a 40 minute hike. There is really no place else I’d rather be, I just didn’t plan for a whole day excursion. It was beautiful. It is a great hike for little kids and little time-just not on a holiday! Please for the love of all that is right and good in this world DO NOT go on a holiday!!

I cannot bring myself to watch the news. I hate it! One, I can’t watch it because there are children around all the time and I really don’t want them to hear about some dude cutting up his girlfriend, putting her in a suitcase and then hanging himself, call me crazy but I don’t really want to explain that. Two, politics piss me off big time! Everyone is right and yelling to try to convince everyone around them that they know the answer. I am really under-informed and I am sorry for that but I just can’t handle it. I don’t think anyone gives you the full truth, it is always biased. Except for Steve Colbert. He’s spot on. Oh, and Facebook. All I need to ever know is on Facebook. What more do I need, really?! I found out about health care reform, presidential speeches and the fact that Michael Jackson, Farah Faucet, John Hughes, and Ted Kennedy all died  from Facebook. Who needs CNN or FOX News??

There is a new show on Nick/Noggin called “The Fresh Beat Band”. I try to avoid it, frankly, but my kids have been indoctrinated with all the previews and such so they think it’s the new coolest thing. Here is my problem with it. There are 4 young adults that sing. 2 boys, 2 girls. One of the girls, the red head, I swear used to be on Days of Our Lives. Yes, I had a couple years of addiction to that asinine show. While I watched it, Steve(Patch) and Kayla showed back up along with their daughter, Stephanie, who was, you guessed it a famous racecar driver. This is who is now on this “Fresh Beat Band” show. I can’t help but except her to start a torrid affair with the beep boppin’ kid only to fall in love with the other dude and steal him away from the other girl, find out that she and her new lover are really brother and sister (which is totally possible because he is African-American and she is a redhead), she dies in a car crash only to come back 2 years later with their twin babies and a British accent. You see why I must avoid this annoying show?? And math??

Oh, how I hate math! And clowns…but that is a story for another day…

I’ll show you “All in your head”, Biotch!

Now that I have your attention with my vulgarity (sorry about that, no other word seem to fit!), let me tell you something that has taken me awhile to be able to talk about freely. Well, I guess just a couple weeks but that’s long for me, so, yeah.

As most of you know, back in February I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. If you remember, I didn’t really get a ton of info and I was just given a prescription and told I’d be taking it for the rest of my life. Although I was very glad to discover what was making me feel so awful, I was very sad that I had a ‘medical problem’, as mild as it may be, that I would need to manage for the rest of my life. I started taking the meds and felt amazingly better in about a month’s time. I still felt that I should probably find a specialist to help me manage it. It didn’t seem to make sense to keep going to my gynecologist for a problem in my neck, as much as I love those stirrups. I kept putting it off because, frankly, I hate going to doctors. I have one I like a lot and wish I could go to him for everything so it’s hard to try to find a new doctor because for every 10 there are about 2 or 3 that are great. If you’re lucky.

It started to feel like my symptoms were coming on and off. I didn’t know if your treated thyroid would do the roller coaster thing but I always wondered, is this because of my thyroid? I started calling those days my ‘thyroid days’ because I would be fine for a while and then all of a sudden I would be a zombie with random aches and pains and couldn’t complete a thought let alone an actual sentence. I would be overwhelmed with the need to cry in a dark corner because of exhaustion and frustration.

It seemed to become more important to see someone about it. I had a lot of questions and symptoms that I wanted to get cleared up and straight. For one thing, I have been on an antidepressant since I was pregnant with my youngest. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself (and my family)at that time. Because of that drug, I wondered if maybe the thyroid meds and the antidepressant were causing problems with each other. Another, is why does it seem to come and go if I am taking my medication properly? I finally made an appointment for a doctor and I was very excited to use my time with her to find out all I could. I knew I was doing the right thing and I would get answers.

I just didn’t like the answers I got.

The first thing she said to me when she walked into the exam room was, “So, why are you here?” I told her for my thyroid and she told me it really wasn’t much of a problem and asked what was bothering me. I told her what I had been feeling and I tried to get everything in there whether it seemed relevant or not. I told her I had recently upped my antidepressant because of a ginormous slight break down I had. I was hoping it would help until I came to see her. It wasn’t going well at all and we decided it would be best to take it back down.

I won’t bore you with the rest of that embarrassing afternoon but I will tell you what I came away with from this doctor.

1. I didn’t really have much of a thyroid problem and any relief I felt from the meds was probably from a ‘placebo effect’.
2. I could keep taking the meds for it if it made me feel better-not physically but in my head, apparently.
3. They couldn’t help me there, I needed to see a psychiatrist-in fact, I kind of wondered if she was resisting the urge to drive me to UNI herself…
4. I was fat because I eat too much, not because of my thyroid and I needed to eat less carbs and more protein.
5. Lastly, I was reminded why I don’t like women doctors. I think they are mean and compassionless. At least the ones I have encountered. They will be the first ones to tell you that you are a fat and crazy cow.

I sat there biting my lip trying not to cry and just get out of there before I broke down. The moment I got out of that building I lost it and sat in my car and sobbed (she was probably watching from her window saying, “see, she is crazy! She’ll probably stop on her way home and eat a dozen donuts, the fatty!” Did I mention she is this short little Asian lady who probably weighs 110 dripping wet???)

I haven’t taken the thyroid medicine since. I went back to my OB and he did more for me than that woman ever could have. He made me feel validated and cared for. I didn’t feel stupid about how I was feeling or for being there and I didn’t feel like a disgusting fatty. I should’ve just started with him in the first place! He told me while my numbers are low, they had recently made a jump which he said screamed abnormal and that is why he put me on the meds. He laughed at her suggestion that what I had felt was  a ‘placebo effect’. I told him how I just want to start all over by getting completely off the antidepressant and see how I feel then which he was behind 100%. I just needed to come back in and have a blood test again if any of the symptoms came back. Plus, he never once told me to eat less carbs. Now that is a good man!

If my thyroid problem isn’t really a problem at all, well, I am grateful! I think I am going through all this for a reason. I am learning to listen to my body and my heart. I also know it may take a few tries to figure out solutions for health and well being and it’s okay to be patient. I also know that doctors do not know everything and we can’t except them to. I know I have put this lady doctor in a bad light, she did help with that, but I know she was just doing her job. My ‘case’ is very mild but it doesn’t make it as irrelevant as she was making it out to be. She was a nice lady, very knowledgeable and attentive. I just won’t be going back there again. It certainly wasn’t worth the trip or co-pay.

I know I will get this worked out. I am already seeming to feel myself again. I’ve tried to add meditating to my day, which is very hard to find some quiet space around here. But I am making an effort and with that, bring in more positive thoughts. I truly believe our optimism or pessimism can affect our health. I wonder if when I got that diagnoses at the beginning of the year, if I have put on my ‘sick’ hat and kept it on all this time. I’m not saying what I have felt isn’t real but I think dwelling on it can make it worse or more prevalent in my life. I am working to stop that cycle.

We’ll see what happens in the next few months but I am happy to say, I don’t have a thyroid problem. I’m just crazy….and chubby….

Good night, and Big Balls.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…or embarrass the both of us…..

ElRey and I celebrated our birthdays recently. Yes, you read that right. His is the day before mine and although I don’t appreciate someone taking away from my special month day, we always have a great celebration for our birthdays. I am 364 days older than ElRey and like light years older in maturity. Totally.

As I was laying in my bed trying to fall asleep the other night, I was lost in my thoughts of how lucky I am to have ElRey for a husband and best friend. It has inspired me to do another list.

A list of love.

I’ll wait while you go vomit….

• He lets me rub is back, legs, whatever is needed any time I want.
• He cooks for me on a regular basis and does a better job than I do.
• Sometimes he goes to bed so early, it feels like I am staying up really late when it’s really only 9:37-time to fit in at least one more meal before my bed time.
• Even though I usually have a book in my face, he still thinks I am the prettiest thing on earth.
• He laughs at my jokes.
• He thinks my blog is the coolest thing ever and tells me regularly that he wishes I would post daily.
• He let me beat him at FARKLE today.
• Today he was saying how frustrating, loud, disobedient and mean the girls are being and and when I said “I know, this is how it is every day!” His reply was, “It can’t be like this every day! I am so sorry! No wonder you can’t wait for school to start!”
• He tells me he loves me 472 times a day!
• He actually takes me seriously when I tell him to not let me eat too much or eat certain things, tries to stop me and then believes me the next time I say it even though I nearly bit his head off for telling me I really don’t want to eat that cookie the last time.
• He’s really good at math but apparently him tutoring me in math for my class is some sort of foreplay and it takes us 1 and a 1/2 hours to finish a 20 minute assignment.
• He still loves me even after this:

• He still loves me even after posting this picture on my blog. (Yeah, this’ll be my 3rd time…can’t get over that hand placement, I tell you!)
• He makes it possible for me to have a lot of fun with friends….maybe a little too much fun with friends…hopefully none of that stuff ends up on the internet…
• He rides the tumultuous waves of mommy dipping into the ‘crazy juice’ a couple times a week month and survives it. It’s like watching Point Break with Keanu and Patrick, I tell you!

The list really could go on for pages! I hope you all are as lucky in love as I am and if not I hope one day you will be, and, no, having a ‘relationship’ with that life-size cardboard cut out of President Obama you own does not count. Kissing a cardboard hottie does not love make!

To see an awesome post ElRey did when he hijacked my blog click here.

Mindi Goes to College

I love college. If I could I would probably go to college for the rest of my life. I have been so excited these past few months for the semester to start. Wednesday, my life as a student began.

It was a busy day for us-ElRey was home due to projectile vomiting, my niece, Ana, was with us, Audrey started school and I had the task of trying to figure out how I was going to fit 10 hours of college credits into my small but sweet life. Plus, the thought of the new Fall season of TV was looming-I gotta find out if Izzy and George are really dead and gone!

I was worried about Audrey. I knew she would be fine once she was at school but I had a feeling goodbye was going to be tough for her. I wanted to make the morning as pleasant as possible with a leisure walk to school and with 20 extra minutes with the new school schedule, I knew it was doable. Nope, we were late. So I was stressed, she was stressed and the tears started and I had to just walk away. I worried about her all day long even though I knew she was over it and fine so I wanted to take her for a treat after school. I waited in our usual spot for her and when she finally came walking up I asked how her day was and the tears started again. She was looking for me at the front of the school, couldn’t find me and got scared. I am doing this first day of school thing so well! She certainly looked cute, though!

I sure do love that kid and I feel bad that she got my worrying and emotional genes. I know she will do well this year.

Although my school schedule is large, I only have one I have to go to campus for once a week. It is Physiology of Exercise. I didn’t really know what to expect but I had butterflies not just in my stomach but in my liver, spleen and at least one of my kidneys. Good thing there weren’t any in my intestines. I just don’t have time for that, thank you very much!

Before I left I checked with ElRey to make sure I looked studious but at the same time like someone willing to have fun. I passed the test and I was off. I parked my wicked cool minivan-possibly the only one there-and ran into class. As I walked in this is what I saw sitting at the teacher’s desk:

I, of course, grabbed a seat on the front row, noticed a grease stain on my pants (that so wasn’t from those onion rings I didn’t get on the way to school) and prepared myself to stay awake and attentive for 3 hours.

We were there for 30 minutes.

I think I’m gonna love that class.

I figured since I was there and apparently had some time, I would get my ID and FREE bus pass, see:

I’m official now!

I tried to get my eyebrows waxed but the cosmetology department was closed. If I was wearing a hat I would’ve stood in the middle of the quad and pull a Mary Tyler Moore. But with no hat, I went to WalMart instead.

Now if I can just figure out when to get my homework done I think I will have this semester in the bag.

I’ll have at least one A.

The Joys of Motherhood Part 4

Here’s Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 for your reading pleasure.

My 2 year old has recently discovered the “Knock, Knock” joke. Here is a sample:

Lily: “Na-Na”

Mom: “Who’s there?”

L: “Bee”

M: “Bee who?”

L: “Beeblada. hehehehe”

Do these seasons get shorter every year or is it just me??

Summer is coming to a close. I am having a hard time with it. I have been running with some friends early in the morning a couple times a week and each time we go it gets darker and darker. Usually by this time of the year I am eager for fall but I have really enjoyed the warmth, the sun and the fresh air that seems to clear out the cobwebs in my head.

I wanted to play the heck out of this summer and as I sit here I realize I haven’t done half of the things I have wanted to. I haven’t gone to Bear Lake for a raspberry, hot fudge shake  day at the lake. I still haven’t hiked Secret Lake or Lake Blanch or Timpanogos Cave or even up to the “Y” in Provo. We only camped once and that was a baptism full of lightening, thunder and scars for my kids fun memory. Not enough fishing. Not enough late summer night parties. I haven’t even toilet papered anyone’s house or cruised State Street.

School starts next week. Not just for my 2 girls but for me, too. Yup, I will be that lady in the front back of the classroom that all the ‘real’ students will think of as the ‘old lady with nothing better to do’ or ‘Dude, she’s older than the teacher!’. At least my classes are online. I am excited and scared. I am taking on a lot but with 2 of the 3 in school I am sure it is doable. The only problem is, I am taking Math. It may kill me. Luckily, I am married to a mathematical genius who can help. Although, the last time he tried to tutor me we always ended up in a serious make-out session-in a purely virtuous and chaste manner, of course. He had me at fractions. I totally failed that class.

So, with this big change coming in less than a week I wanted to have one last hoorah, the big shebang or grand finale of summer. Before I could even figure out what to do, nature decided for me. That’s right, a week and a half of vomit as this annoying little bug made it’s way through my whole family, including my niece I’ve been babysitting. And let me tell you, I have hard enough time dealing with my own kids’ vomit let alone one not belonging to me. I am ashamed to say I didn’t even hold her hair back. I am on the recovery end of this fun journey and I am really hoping it will skip ElRey. I think we have all had enough. At least it will help me on my whole weight loss plan. The scale is going to look good this week!

So, will you let me live vicariously through you? Did you do anything fun for the end of summer and the start of school? I still have a few days to squeeze something in and maybe I can steal your idea-I am pretty sure you don’t want to steal mine!