Mr. Sandman bring me a dream…and don’t forget your shield..

Well, this’ll learn to me finish off a 2 liter Diet Coke after 7PM.

I used to be able to down some bubbly goodness moments before bed and snooze like a newborn baby but since I now drink a small fraction of what used to be my daily consumption I can no longer drink it past 7 if I want to fall asleep at a decent time. For some reason tonight I threw caution to the wind and just kept drinking….

I know. Party animal.

Speaking of sleeping, I will admit something. I know I am an annoying bedfellow (although I think my 3 year old is winning out with her slowly shoving me to the edge of the bed till I’m hanging on for dear life an inch from a drop to the floor and then she pees in my bed). Believe me, my brothers remind me on a regular basis of their emotional and physical scars of ever having to share a bed with me whenever we travelled back in the day. My oldest brother loves to tell the story of the time he lost complete patience (and compassion and Christ-like love, if you ask me) and literally kicked me off the fold-out bed and then laughed in my bewildered face as I awoke with a thud on the floor.

Brothers are full of love. Sadly, my poor girls will never experience that kind of love.

I recognize that I’m an enthusiastic sleeper. My husband may or may not have been smacked out of slumber once or twice in our marriage (and he stays…go figure) and I toss and turn till I find the ideal sleeping position for at least 20-30 minutes every night, on a good night. Course, he’s asleep before his head hits the pillow so he probably doesn’t even notice. Unless I drop a pencil on the carpet or a fly farts, then he wakes up in a fright. You’d think the guy had a stint in ‘Nam or something!

Anyway, at this point in my final pregnancy I have gone from at least 4 sleeping positions down to 2. The right or left side and all the preggo lit states the left side is best for your liver and blood flow or something like that so, really there is one option unless you are a rebel and attempt that evil right side.

So now I’m flopping back and forth hoping  to find the spot and drift off and while I am a dainty flower, it is becoming more difficult to flop gracefully and I’m sure my husband thinks there is a flock of F-16’s flying over our house or the earthquake is finally happening. Generally, I wake up the next morning with sore hips, numb hands (they are so swollen I’m pretty sure they are just falling asleep under their own weight), a kinked neck and a pinched nerve somewhere in my back. It’s only gonna get better.

So, I finally made the big purchase. The magical body pillow of joy and love. The more girthy I become, the more propping up I need so it was muchly* needed.

I’m starting to notice something with this pillow though. As I flop back and forth, I’m having to wrestle it into submission each time, then I have to readjust the blankets, reposition one leg and one arm over it, adjust the baby gut and all while I’m trying to not accidently punch ELRey in the face or kick him in the nuts. Later in the night or maybe if I’m lucky, the next morning, I’ll wake up with it over my face, laying uselessly on top of me or thrown on the floor. This morning I woke up all twisted into it! It was like a fluffy boa constrictor waiting for me to stop struggling so it can eat me whole!

So I ask you: What on earth am I doing in my sleep that I can actually get twisted up like a pretzel in a pillow?? It’s a PILLOW people!

ElRey should fear for his life. Maybe that’s why he’s so jumpy when he’s sleeping-he thinks this may be the night he dies in some freak sleeping accident.

You all wanna sleep with me, don’t you?!

 *If you haven’t yet noticed, yes, I do like to get creative with grammar and I do so love making up words. It’s just another one of my charming qualities.