What’s in a name?

I’ve had many nicknames in my day.

Mindolee

Hindolee

Mimi

Mintifresh

Polish Princess (this one was from my dad and it wasn’t till later that I realized this may have been a veiled insult…)

I tried to get ‘Crusher’ to stick once but it never did

Idiot- can’t seem to get away from that one…

A few others I shouldn’t repeat..

The one that I just can’t seem to wrap my brain around and it sometimes sends me into cold sweats is, ‘Mom’.

It’s not that I don’t love it or that I’d rather be doing something else with my life. It’s just that it makes me realize that the buck stops here. I’m the adult. If things are screwed up it’s my fault. It’s little things like finding out the lunch account at school is $5 in the hole, taking them to the dentist to find several cavities, forgetting to send back library books or thinking my 8 and 6 year old are responsible enough to hang out in the morning while mom catches a few more minutes of sleep only to discover that they went through 8, yes 8, granola bars within a 45 minute period!! I really hoped they’d have a nice case of the runs after that one. But, no, my wishes never come true! Not even a belly ache! Sheesh! Where’s natural consequences when you need them?

One of my favorites was when I was volunteering in my daughter’s class and my job was to help the kids stay on task and answer any questions. It wasn’t until the hour was up that I realized I was giving the kids the wrong answer…okay 2 wrong answers on their worksheet!! I had to explain to the teacher that ALL the children will have that answer wrong because of me! She just smiled and giggled but I knew at that moment I was not smarter than a 5th grader. Or a 3rd grader.

The teacher at church yesterday had said she believed all parents were given the gift to know how to teach their children knowledge and wisdom and I blurted out, ‘When do we get that?’ I feel like the biggest dummy on earth trying to raise these children to be responsible and happy adults (this is where you think start thinking, great…she adding another one?? Don’t worry, it’s the last one). I think I have happy, kind and respectful kids but sometimes in dealing with them on a daily basis I worry that I am messing up big time! It seems the only way I can ever get their attention is by yelling and acting like a lunatic! I know all the Super Nanny tricks and what not but whenever I try to get them to listen or whatever it always ends up with one of us crying and the other one realizing I really am nuts.

I think the biggest time I feel the fear the most is when we travel. All of our travelling this year was with other families so there were other adults there to back you up and other children to keep mine occupied but when it’s just ElRey and I and the kids. Boy howdy! I think it’s the vulnerability that frightens me. When I was a kid we travelled all the time but I always felt safe and like nothing could go wrong because my parents were on it. But when you’re the parent, you’re counting heads, every dollar spent, watching out for any creeps eying your kids, praying you don’t get  a flat tire, that the flight isn’t delayed, or crashes, hoping you don’t have to have a strip search in front of your kids or if you do, hoping you wore your nice underwear (and it’s not on backwards).

This is coming from a born nomad, a wanderer. A person who went to Mexico in a short bus with a bunch of near strangers with $100, a backpack, sleeping bag, and a hope that there will be a beach to sleep on. Now I worry about every little thing! Even my mood. What trip would be fun if mom’s crabby the whole time?

I tired to prove I was still brave a few years back. I decided I needed to go visit my BFF out in California where she had just moved. I was about 6 months pregnant with a 5 year old and 3 year old. I was going to drive until I found really cheap tickets to fly the 3 of us out for a few days. I have never been so stressed in my life! I was terrified of the airport and all it’s new security, afraid my kids would make the 1 1/2 hour flight a living hell and that I would lose someone along the way. When I was with my friend and her family, it was all good (except for my 3 year old waking up at 6 or earlier every morning and wandering into the master bedroom…awkward..)  We played around town, had fun with her and her kids, and we did the one thing that is mandatory for me on any coastal trip-we hit the beach! That was where I almost lost my 3 year old to the waves if it wasn’t for Amber’s fast acting son! We then had a surprise trip to Disneyland before we were to fly home and that was a whole other ball of wax! I had my VERY helpful BFF but I was tired, hot and sore and I was trying to make it the best experience possible so I was sneaking on rides, hoping the attendants wouldn’t notice my life giving belly, trying to see as much as possible all in one day. I was so swollen by the end of the day that all I could feel was a dull ache from the knee down and the fear that I will have to tackle the airport and plane ride home in just a few short hours.

We made it home safely, and exhausted and I even kept a smile on my face for most of the trip in spite of any worries or discomfort. My kid’s still talk about that trip and ask at least weekly when we are going to Amber’s house again. I’m pretty sure they are thinking Disneyland will be involved again, although, Amber is pretty awesome!

Thinking about taking another family trip makes me wish I travelled more when it was easier.

Back when I was ‘Crusher’.