Step 1 Pause. Step 2 Breathe. Step 3 Enjoy.

I found out a few weeks ago that I can graduate from the community college in May so I went and got registered. I was so excited and thought, hey, I’ve gotten this far maybe I can just keep working at it at the university and get my full, grown up degree. You see, while I know what I have accomplished is big, especially while raising three little girls, I still see that it’s ‘just’ an associates degree and what I really want (at least) is my bachelors. Everything else just seems unfinished.

Anyway, in my excitement I called ElRey up asking him which college was easier to get to, thinking that he would be so on board since I’m achieving my goals and moving forward.

Well, he wasn’t so excited, reminding me that I was going to take a break for a while before moving forward and in his reminding, hurt my feel bads. Why wouldn’t he want me to do this? I’m managing okay! What’s the big deal?

I called my mom (let’s face it, a girl still needs her mommy) and as I started venting she stopped me before I could go too far and told me to pull my head out of my proverbial butt. She told me that now is the time to celebrate what I have done and bask in the glory of that accomplishment. What I have done is bigger than I am giving myself credit for and I need to just enjoy it for the moment rather than rushing off to the next part! She also reminded me that was the plan and that while at this moment I may think it’s going fine and what not, I needed to step back and remember what is most important.

I have said numerous times that this doing something for me thing has really thrown me for a loop. Going back to school is all about me. Sure, it could be beneficial to my family in that I could bring in some income with a new shiny job, but it is mostly all about my own personal goals. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact, it’s fantastic! But I have forgotten what my main objective is which is to raise a happy and loving family. Suddenly, the one most important thing in my life has become a burden, something that keeps me from getting my homework done or keeps me from reaching my goals. That is not what I want and I have been trying to balance all of it. Sometimes I do it well but most of the time I fall flat on my face and cry.

I realized after listening to my mom say what I didn’t really give ElRey the chance to say is that they were right. I need to come back and be mom full time. It’s hard to say that but I know the college stuff will happen, it will just be later and that is okay. My husband and my beautiful girls deserve someone who wants to be here! I often listen to friends talk about how much they do as a family and how much they love being together and all I am wanting is to have them go to bed so I can do what I want. Here I am in this fantastic family that ElRey and I have created together and I am not making enough effort to just enjoy them!

So, between me trying to balance my school with my family, keep the house clean and fight off this melancholy that seems to go away for a day or two and then kick me in the gut again, I’ve become a little non existent. Sometimes it’s even hard to go out with friends because I feel guilty for leaving them when I am already gone 3 nights a week just for school.

I don’t know if I’ve gotten any better at home but I’ve played more games with my kids, had a little more patience and my house is sometimes a little cleaner. I’ve never been good at time management so the mere fact that I am even trying to use my time more wisely is a huge step. Even though I haven’t been doing as much in the blogging world lately, I still find a way to idle my time away with a book or TV or a movie but I feel like I am more THERE for my kids.

I know that I haven’t quite gotten there with my husband yet. He is still a bit neglected and I need to work on that. A very classy lady that goes to my church said in our class one day that while our kid’s needs are important, we cannot forget our spouses’. When the kids up and leave later on, all we have is the one we started it all with and I want to be just as in love 20 years from now as I am now. I don’t want our relationship to be forgotten or ignored while raising our kids. I have given ELRey many reasons to be annoyed, angry or even a good excuse to hate me sometimes, but how often am I reminding him who he fell in love with?

I have much to ponder and work on. Keep in mind, I am talking solely of myself and what my family needs right now. I am in no way saying that a mom cannot pursue her dreams. She can and I am, all I am saying is that I have realized there is a need for a break and a chance to love up my family for a while without any distractions.

For now, I will congratulate myself for doing it, getting this far and doing it well. I may even be on the Dean’s List. Yay me! That is something to be proud of!

Oh, and by the way, after May 7th, I would prefer it if you referred to me as “Associate Mindi”. I think I’ve earned it. ;)

Hey, PhD’s get to be called Dr. So why not?!