Getting our Scottish on

We ventured out to Thanksgiving Point this weekend to get some culture in the form of The Scottish Festival. We didn’t know what really to expect but we were pleasantly surprised! Since it was Thanksgiving Point the girls were expecting dinosaur bones or at the very least a chance to ride a pony and pet a goat. They were thoroughly pleased with the awesome music,

face painting,

                              log toss,

and lots of Irish dancing. Plus, they all got to spend a couple bucks at a booth, which is really why we go to these things is to spend money, right?

As you can see, Lucy had a blast.

Since it was a Scottish festival, I was hoping to find Haggis-on-a-stick but as Mike Myers once said, “All Scottish cuisine is based on a dare” so I wasn’t too disappointed with my 2nd choice, kettle corn.

Due to the Celtic blood coursing through my veins, a man in a kilt always gets me giddy. Add a sword to the outfit and I’m yours so I went hoping to find him there:

 

He wasn’t. But this guy was:

 

 

I’m just glad he wasn’t “one of those Scots”.

I come by it naturally

I while back I told you all how I have a real skill of putting my foot in my mouth. For those you didn’t read it or want to enjoy my shame again, click here.

Well, I did it again last night. It was so bad I had to eat a chocolate donut to get the foot taste out of my mouth. But I’m not going to tell you what I did because it’s too fresh. Instead, I’ll throw those I love under the bus today because that’s what a blog is for.

One of my favorite moments with my husband was last summer. I had taken my girls swimming and while there these two women came with their kids. What I couldn’t help notice was that these women were both bigger girls-similar to my own physique. There I was in my mommy tankini-as covered as possible with skirt and all and they showed up in these little bikinis. Now, I don’t care what you wear, if you feel comfortable in it, good for you. I do think some people look better in certain things than others. Bikinis are one of those things. So I kept watching these women marveling that they felt so comfortable in such tiny swimsuits with ample flesh showing.

When I got home that afternoon, I was telling ElRey about it. It went something like this:

Me: It sometimes amazes me how many women that are my size or bigger wear bikinis and feel comfortable in them..

ElRey: I KNOW!! IT’S SO DIGUSTING!!!! I can’t believe…..(pausing at my gapping mouth) Omigosh!! I didn’t mean that! I just meant…ummmm…crap…uuhh

Me: Remind me to  burn all of my lingerie later….and always remain fully clothed….     

Note that I didn’t say anything about going on a diet, that’s just silliness!

For the record, my feelings weren’t hurt(too much) and we laugh(cry) about this moment regularly…poor stupid guy…hehe

The other unfortunate soul for this post is my awesome mother. My sweet, always kind, loving and loved mother.

She was invited to a baby shower (possibly for the last time). While there she asked the happy couple what they will be naming their baby. It went something like this:

Mom: Do you have a name picked out for the baby?

Parents: Yes. Tungsten.

Mom: BWWAAHAHAHA That’s a nice name!! *wipes tear* That kid would be beat up in school! *snort*Awwhhh man….Really…what are you going to name him?

Parents: Uummmm..Tungsten…

Mom: Oh…wow…that’s great, really…sorry..

Parents: It’s okay…that’s how my mom reacted to it, too.

 

Yes, I am in good company.

One reason I am surprised I wasn’t called in for a Parent Teacher Conference

Do your kids write in journals at school? Mine do.

And they may one day get me into trouble. Here is one of my 9 year old’s journal entries. I kept the spelling the same for authenticity. And cuz it’s cute.

5/12/11

When I was watching a show called “I didn’t know I was peregent!” So this lady went to an amuzment park and went on a rollercoaster. Her stoamch started to hurt so she went to the bathroom and had a baby. She was standing there saying “HELP!” While there was a cord hanging out of her bum!!

 

I’m just glad she didn’t write about that one episode of Jersey Shore…at least I hope she didn’t…

“No CPS, Mindi does not live here…no hablo english…

A Letter

Dear Lucy-

Hi, baby. Remember me? The lady that is always eating your face who happens to smell like BBQ flavored potato chips? I’m your mommy. You’ve now been with us a little over 2 weeks and what a 2 weeks it’s been. You didn’t cry one peep when you came into the world. In fact, we didn’t hear a cry from you for 2 days but believe me, you have made up for it since then. My favorite it when you go full throttle at 3AM. I’m not sure how you hold those cheeks up all day long. Maybe that’s why you sleep 23 hours a day.

I just wanted to give you a heads up on a few things. You are the fourth child and I think there is good reason for that-you’re tough enough to handle it. That being said, there are a few things you need to just get used to.

See that little thing in mommy’s hands? Not you, the smaller thing…yeah, that’s called a cellphone. Yes, that is just moments you were born and they had handed you off to me. (BTW- doesn’t mom’s hair look great?? And after labor and delivery and everything!) Mommy thinks she’s 13 and must tell everyone she knows any news the very moment it happens. I did take a break from it while I was pushing you out, what more could you ask?? There is also another, slightly bigger box you’ll see often. It’s called a laptop.

Remember that one night in the hospital when chocolate somehow ended up on your blanket? I told you it just mysteriously appeared there but I gotta fess up. It was mine. Truth is, nothing gets in my way when food is involved. It used to all just end up in my cleavage but now that you’re there..well, you just may feel like a cute little bib.

See these girls?

Oh, I know they look all cute and harmless but they are your sisters who think they are each your mother. That means a high amount of eye poking, a binky being shoved down your throat and being carried like a dilapidated Raggedy Ann doll when mommy isn’t looking. You may also feel like an attraction at a nearby carnival like this:

Or like this:

One thing’s for sure, we get a little crazy…

But there’s a lot of love and you are a part of it!

We love you and we are so glad you belong to us…..We just hope you survive all this love..

Love, Mommy

Day The Has Come

Lucy Jane finally came to us on May 11, 2011 at 11AM.

She’s a whopping 9.78 lbs., 20 1/2 inches long, 9 days early (thank goodness!!)

Mom and baby are doing great!

As soon as I can carry on a conversation without using phrases like “crowning”, “epidural”, “vaginal warfare” and “cracked nipples” I’ll be back. For now you are lucky enough to get a guest post from one of my favorite people I have never met (or know his actual name). DId I mention he was recently featured in our local paper? How cool is that?! Not only was he kind enough to write a post for me, but it had me laughing so hard(it could’ve been the Loratab) AND it was all about me. Oh, and my husband, The Saint. (For the record, I am incredibly delightful to live with despite what Middle-Aged Mormon Man may imply. Ask anyone. Except maybe ElRey.)

So without further ado, here is Middle-Aged Mormon Man:

Mindi is one of my best blogging friends, and has been supportive and helpful to me these past few months.  Because of that, I am writing a guest post for her blog while she is "indisposed".  No, she didn't ask me to, but I can't help myself - this charity thing is overpowering sometimes. Besides, I have participated in baby aftermath 5 times, and know how messy it is.

Since I have only known Mindi for a few months, I have never known her when she is NOT pregnant. I'm not so sure what she will be like when she is not kvetching* about her discomfort, her fetus, her size, her drooling problem, or her pelvis. I went back through her Facebook status updates to verify this. It wasn't pretty. However, she has many, many loyal friends who somehow adore her, so I'm gonna blame it on the fetus.

(*Kvetching is Yiddish for complaining. I try to keep up on my Yiddish because when the 10 tribes return, it might come in handy)

I'm sure that the frantic pace of Mindi's blog posts has contributed to her exhausting pregnancy. She has been posting at the phenomenal rate of 2-3 posts PER MONTH!  Prolific!  I know all of us hope she can maintain that pace now that the baby is here.

Anyway, I have learned that Mindi is an amazing and hysterical woman. But I must admit, I have a terrific admiration for ElRey - whom I have never met. (Did you notice? I used "whom" correctly). When reading Mindi's posts and status updates, all I can think is that ElRey is the actual embodiment of D&C 121. I'm thinking of creating a line of bumper stickers that read "WWED?" (What would ElRey do?)

All of us here in cyberland wish Mindi and baby a quick recovery and much health and happiness. I am also asking for donations to buy ElRey a case of earplugs. And Ambien.

Finally, I am doing everything in my power to have a camera crew from TLC (The Learning Channel) waiting outside Mindi's house when she gets home from the hospital to begin work on a new reality-based series featuring Mindi and Family. I figure an email campaign might be the way to go.

Here is the link to TLC to help encourage them to quickly get started. https://producers.discovery.com/producersPortal/login.jsf

We probably need to come up with a name for the new series. Please contribute.

Here are a few thoughts:

Mindi Cranks Out Another One!

ElRey Knows Best

You Buried What? Where?

Burp Time: Starring Mindi & Diet Coke (with guest appearances by the baby)

Congratulations,

-MMM-

Get Your Head in the Game

I’m pretty sure I do not have a competitive bone in my body. Maybe against myself, trying to run faster, be better, but when it comes to playing games or sports, I just wanna have fun.

I enjoy a good board game (except Monopoly-I hate that game more than Satan…well pretty close..) and I will try to win but once anyone starts getting aggressive or violent (I’ve seen it happen) I immediately shut down and pay more attention to the snacks laying about. My sister-in-law thinks I hate playing games but that’s not true. I just hate playing games with her family. She’s super competitive and to get an idea about her dad, times her by about 25.

Like I said. I’ve seen it get violent.

**Long, pointless side note: One of our favorite stories of my SIL was the time she was playing TABOO with her family. You know, you get a word and you try to get your team to guess it but you can’t use the words listed on the card. Well she got “Easy-Off”, the oven cleaner. She decided to go the route of using opposite words and hand actions mimicking cleaning the oven. So as she pretending to rub the inside of an oven she started saying, “Hard on. Hard on. Hard on.” Over and over. All the while everyone is looking at her in shock and a little shame, wondering what on earth they could possibly say. She just starts doing it faster and louder and can’t figure out why no one is getting such an easy answer.

When she realized her mistake she was mortified. The players were just very grateful it was a mistake.

Her dad hasn’t been able to look her in the eye ever since.

That has gone down in the Hall of Fame of Jeanette-isms and will live on for generations.

**End of long, pointless side note**

Anyway..I am the same way with sports. I just wanna play to play. I really don’t care to win. Just have fun. I keep trying to get involved in church sports and I am thoroughly humiliated by the fact I have upset my fellow Sisters in the Gospel so much by my bad shot or not setting the ball correctly and knowing they wish they didn’t have to put me in the game. These ladies take it all pretty seriously. So I just don’t bother anymore.

I am beginning to realize that my 7 year old may have my noncompetitive gene. We have her in soccer this year and I love watching this age play! It’s still young enough it doesn’t get too crazy with aggression but they are old enough they mostly know how to play and enjoy it. I’ll be watching her out there on the field and she’ll be holding hands with her little friend as they run after the ball. Every time anyone scores, she cheers. The most classic moment was last week. It was our first experience with ‘one of those coaches’ who was yelling at the kids and very serious. He wasn’t mean but he wasn’t pleasant about it either. Our team kept telling our coach that the other team was hitting and pushing them. So not a real fun team to play against. When our coach went to talk to the other coach about it, the other coach got right in his face and started yelling at him that ‘he didn’t tell the kids to push and hit! They’re in first grade ! It’s what they do!!’

Defensive much?

Let’s up our dose of happy pills, dude.

So I asked my daughter about it later and she said there was this one really mean girl that said, “Do you want some candy?” and, of course my daughter said yes and that’s when the girl took the ball from her and took off. My daughter’s response? “And she didn’t even give me any candy!!”

The last few minutes of the game she was put on defense right in front of their goalie with her friend, who also doesn’t exactly focus on the game at hand. They were over there spinning, picking dandelions, chatting etc. The coach went over to call them to the sideline and this is how they came to him:

Just skipping right along, enjoying the spring day!

But as long as they come away enjoying the experience, who cares about the end score, right?!