Furry Pain in the Neck

After filling our postage-stamp-sized house with 4 little girls, we thought it would be brilliant to get a dog.

Yeah, brilliant.

For some reason my will to keep us dog free was waning. I had never had a dog growing up and secretly always wanted one. So I started looking around online for free dogs. I did this for weeks before I even told my husband. The moment I told him, he was on board and looking, too. I got on the site one day and there she was. Begging me with her big chocolate brown eyes to come save her.

"Help me, Mindi Jeppson, you're my only hope!"

I knew she was mine. She was my kind of dog. Apparently "my kind of dog" is one with ADHD that sheds so much fur, I could make a blanket. For a giant who isn't worried about allergies. If we could read her mind, all we'd hear is, "Play?! PLAY?! HEY!! I'M GONNA SNIFF THAT DOG'S BUTT AND THEN TRY TO LICK YOUR FACE! PLAY?!"

I have discovered that she loves to run. She gets going so fast that she can't stop herself and knocks you over. I've been knocked on my butt and my 6 year old caught some serious air when she plowed into her.

That mutt be crazy!

In an attempt to burn off some of that crazy energy, I started to be dragged down the street by her taking her running with me. It takes about 15-20 minutes before she calms down enough for me to put my shoulder back into socket, catch a breath and stop yelling, "WHOA!WHOA!!WHOA!!!NO!NO!NOOO!!" That's usually when I stop seeing spots and can actually focus on not tripping.

It's good times.

For a little while I was going early in the morning. I swear she could here my alarm better than I could. I'd try to sneak into the bathroom to get ready and she'd immediately start whining and jumping in her kennel! If she sees me in anything that looks remotely like workout clothes, she immediately starts jumping all over me and running up and down the stairs, knocking small people over. She sees the leash? Watch. Out.

"Where we go?! Go fast?! CATS!!"

 My friends and I were headed out for a run the other day and there she was in her spazzy glory while we just all laughed at her "hopped up on tasty cats full of catnip" craziness. I started doing my best impression of her (It's epic, I tell you) when I felt a sudden pain in my neck. I figured it would let up as I went but it just got worse. By the time I got home, I could barely move my head and I could feel my shoulders tensing up. I was down for a freaking week with a pinched nerve in my neck.

Because I mocked my spaz of a dog.

I finally got relief a week later when I dragged myself to the Dr where he gave me a couple shots in my neck. Shots in my freaking neck.

Because of my freaking spaz of a dog.

Okay, because of a spazzy old lady mocking her freaking spaz dog.

My 2 two-year-olds. One of them is house trained and it ain't the one in undies.

So, if you see us running down the street, one of us with our tongue flapping in the wind and the other screaming with arms flailing, just know that I may be running to my death.