That just happened

You know when you were young and had no children and you knew everything about parenting and knew you'd rock it as a parent?

Fast forward 13 years and 4 kids later and you find yourself in the corner of a dark closet with unwashed hair and still in jammies just hoping the little angels won't find you and ask you a question you know you don't have an answer to.

Or so I've heard.

I totally rock the heck out of parenting. I'm sure they are planning the monument dedicated to me as we speak. I'm sure it'll be a disheveled woman with glassy, unfocused eyes, a shirt with stains on it, slippers that I like to call 'shoes' and a Diet Coke in hand. Probably a Super Big Gulp.

Anyhoodle, I digress.

We've all had those times when we think we are doing the perfect thing in the moment for our kid(s). Like the time you were swinging a little one around making him giggle only to slam his head into a wall/door/tree or playing catch in the backyard and you clock her in the eye with the ball. Or how about the time you let your toddler snuggle a baby cougar.

It happens to the best of us. And the okayest of us.

Yesterday I had one of these moments. I have a child that I tend to butt heads with, to put it mildly. It seems as though anytime we are interacting one or both of us is yelling and/or crying or I am nagging her about something she needs to do. So any chance we actually have a quiet moment together, I try to remember to say loving things or hug her or laugh with her. So here she is standing in front of me telling me about something that happened at school and I am admiring her beautiful eyes, her cute and squishable cheeks, her sweet voice(since it wasn't in scream mode) and I was, once again, surprised how much she has grown. When she was done with her story I started telling her how cute she is as I grabbed her and threw her on my lap. As I was hugging and tickling her I said, "When did you get too big to sit on my lap?! Where did my baby go?! You'll always be my baby!" All while I was imagining her big smile on her cute face.

But there was no smile.

She started bawling!

"I don't like it *sob* when you say that because it *sniff* reminds me that one day *sob* I'll die and I don't want to think about that *sob*!!"

Apparently, instead of showing her my love for her I merely reminded her of her mortality!

Bravo, mom. Bravo.

So back into the dark corner of the closet I go...Where's my Super Big Gulp?