I’ve been very quiet.
I have so much going on in my head and I just keep my mouth shut most of the time. Sometimes I am afraid that if I open my mouth and say what I feel, I may be committed and while I could go for some peace and quiet in a padded cell, I’ve never been one for straight jackets.
So, I’ve been quiet.
I find it’s best that way as I try to figure out my discontent. I just don’t understand it and I feel down right asinine feeling so horrible about a thorn in my side while others are dealing with a full on boulder pinning them down while the tide is coming in. It really is mind boggling.
So, again, I’ve been quiet.
I really am a very blessed woman. I may live in what is, apparently, a mice infested house(I saw one run by 3 times tonight while I was vegging out on my sofa!!!) the size of a postage stamp, that will never be clean, and a bulimic checking account; but I also have a man that showers me with love and affection on a daily basis, three beautiful girls at whom I marvel on a regular basis and they adore me and make me smile (when they aren’t testing my breaking point, which doesn’t take long lately), I get to continue my education and work towards my goal of having my degree and I always know where my next meal will come from. And yet, I seem to be slowly suffocating on melancholy.
And I am quiet.
I recently had a profound spiritual experience with my Heavenly Father. There were no choir of angels, no pillar of light, but there was the all encompassing feeling of His loving arms around me. He knew I was a desert needing rain and He made it known it was coming. I could hear the thunder in the distance and it made things bearable. While it has changed me some here and a little there, I knew that I wasn’t going to suddenly be the best disciple of Christ, a stellar mother or the fabulous wife my husband deserves but I knew it would make it easier to try. I remind myself of that night often, knowing He is there to heal me and it is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other even when I feel so depleted.
So, for now, I’ll just be quiet.
And listen for the thunder.
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11 comments:
He is there!
I bet if you shared what you are thinking, you would be surprised at how many people can relate.
I'm right there with you. I know that in the grand scheme of things, I have nothing to complain about....but that sure doesn't mean I don't want to!
I too have figured that radio silence is a better alternative to becoming 'that blogger.' So...quiet isn't bad every now and then. :)
Remember- keeping your chin up is a great way to get yourself punched in the throat. I say, keep your head low.....and keep on truckin.' You'll make it:)
Wonderful post. And yes, do keep going and He will help you. It look life being turned upside down for me before I finally truly learned that I can't do it and to trust him... and you know some days I still suck at it and try and do it all myself and those days are just horrible.
So yep, keep going.
Beautifully told. I'm sorry for whatever it is that is getting you down. But I too know that He is there. Trust Him and more blessings will follow.
Can I bring you some chocolate? Really though, the true source of happiness IS in those things you mentioned: Heavenly Father, family & pest control! You are a great example to me of keepin it real! Thanks for being a guardian angel in my life!
I'm sad too. Melancholy. I can't get out of it for more than a few hours. And my head hurts.
The Spider Man took care of my bugs and mice tho.
I also hear ya! So beautifully written. Hang in there...YOU are awesome!!!
That was a great post Mimi. I think just being quiet to hear the thunder was very poetic! We all need to just be quiet sometimes.
Beautiful writing. I can hear your heart in these words. I'm sorry you are sad. Glad you had the experience you did. We ebb and flow, but HE doesn't. He is constant in his caring.
I love that you were open about what most people feel from time to time. I am very open on my blog, and my husbands step sister criticizes me for being negative. Really? It's called being real, and not trying live behind a facade of everything is fine and perfect all the freaking time. Life is challenging and not everyone chooses to go through their challenges only stating the positive and tries to make it look so flawless.
That can get annoying, can't it?
I love what rachel just said about ebbs and flows. So true.
Whenever you talk Mindy, my mother-heart does a little 180 and rotates your direction. I can't make it stop.Do I need to act on this impulse? We might begin here--free therapy :0) miss_gae@yahoo.com.
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