ElRey and I have been struggling with the age old question: Should we have another child?
Okay, ElRey isn’t struggling with it. He wants another baby now.
Yes, you read that right. I am the one dragging my heels.
I realize that I am at a point where I just need to decide and get on with it, my ovaries ain’t getting any younger.
I do have lame excuses very valid reasons for my trepidation on the matter.
1- Not to alarm anyone but I have to confess that I am a terrible excuse for a mother. Yes, my kids are loved, fed and taken care of but I see so many things I do wrong I wonder how I can add one more kid. Do you realize how much therapy I’m going to have to pay for the three kids I have already?!
2-I’m a little chubby. Every pregnancy I have started out a little too chubby and I regret it every time. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to be losing weight while I’m pregnant. I will only expand from conception. In fact, I’m pretty sure that once the embryo is well established, I will gain 15 more lbs. Course, at this point I already look pregnant so I may as well make an honest woman out of myself…
3-There is nothing like ‘the birthing years’ to make a girl feel old. I’m in the lower end of the 30s but I would already be considered ‘high risk’. I had my youngest in my 30s and there was a noticeable difference in how difficult it was. I hurt from the moment I peed on the stick! It doesn’t take long for your uterus to be dubbed shriveled and dusty. I don’t care what Madonna says!
4-As I mentioned before, my last pregnancy was Hell on earth (what if that was really what Hell was like?? I mean eternally pregnant with no cute little baby to play with after 10 9 months?? That would be Hell!). I pretty much bled during the whole first trimester and constantly thought I was in mid miscarry. There was one time when we were headed to a family funeral when we stopped at Target to get me some wicked hot knee-highs. I went to get out of the car and felt that familiar gush. We had to rush to my Dr’s office for an ultrasound to find out everything was okay (thank goodness). It also ended with bleeding and a lot of it. I almost bled to death after the delivery. I cried for weeks after thinking about the fact I almost left my girls without a mom, a husband without a partner and the fact that I was useless, barely able to get myself to the bathroom for 2 full weeks. The fear of going through anything like that again fills me with fear.
You may be wondering why, then, am I even contemplating it? There is only one reason and that is I feel that there is another child waiting to come to our family. Why he/she would want to is beyond me, I’m sure he/she can see me in action and that should instill fear into anything living. I don’t know if anyone out there has had this feeling before but I don’t usually have feelings like this. Every time I try to tell myself that we have our family and we are done, I get a sick feeling in my stomach that this isn’t it. I just can’t get my soul to agree with my brain on this one.
So there it is. I may not make sense, I know I’m constantly thinking, Really? Seriously? But I cannot deny that stupid feeling. Since ElRey is against growing a uterus and mammary glands, I guess I will have to jump into the joy of pregnancy myself, with his help(which is difficult for them, I know…), of course.
I’m a little worried, though. You see, I come from a very fertile family. Just the mere fact I put this out in the internet void, even thought about becoming pregnant has probably somehow caused a pregnancy. You don’t believe me? Look at this:
See the grown-ups in the middle? Those are my parents who had 6 children and all these little people are the products of those 6. There has been one more added since this picture. Yeah, no need for fertility drugs around here. Just a mere thought is all it takes….
I better go take a pregnancy test…
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15 comments:
I beleive in the "when you know, you know" theory. I was scared I wouldn't, but we ended up with fewer than we had planned, and I knew then that we were done - even though it wasn't really what we wanted. But I have always felt good about it. Go with your soon-to-be-swollen gut. Put your feelings to rest and go "think" about getting pregnant. More power to ya. BTW, lucky baby, and you have a beautiful extended family.
Wow, look at all those grands!
Hubs and I joke that all we have to do is even say "oh, baby" in the bedroom and bam, there's another kid for us.
Good luck with your decision!
My second pregnancy was awful. The delivery was even worse. It took well over a year to forget how it all felt. We knew there was one more. Like you, I'm very fertile and conceived on birth control! It was my easiest pregnancy physically speaking. I had to remind myself I was pregnant. The delivery was awesome since it was a scheduled c-section. I think because I didn't labor only to end up in surgery made a world of difference.
I'm excited for you no matter what you decide. Here's hoping you have a blissful pregnancy and delivery.
Well hey if you hurry we could be pregnant together! At least for part of the time ;)
And yes.. I know what you mean. Growing up I thought I would have 4 or 5 kids.. then I had two. And well there is a reason my daughter will be 3 1/2 before this baby was born. I knew there was another.. but just didn't think I could handle it. But the time was right. Now my OB is asking if I want my tubes tied as the risks go way up after three c-sections... so now while pregnant I have to decide, is this it?
Good luck with whatever is best for you and your family. Hope if you do get pregnant it is much better this time.
I love you Mindi! How you can make me laugh and cry all in one blogging post...(I hope I didn't start something in my last comment to you (evil grin) but I KNOW all too well how you feel...need I say more...hugs and prayers for an easier pregnancy the next time it does happen...
What a cute family. And I can relate with you. I have actually wondered before if the reason those twin babies didn't make it to our family was because they could see what they were getting into and decided to back out??? I shouldn't be joking around (cause it's not funny), but seriously, there is something to be said (for me anyway) about getting the kids I already have under control and for me, to get my body more healthy (which I have grudgingly been working on...). You're such a cute mom though, I think we're a little hard on ourselves sometimes. Both of our kids are probably better off and more loved than 50% of families out there. We can always "try a little harder to be a little better" but we're doing pretty good. Good luck with the practice, just know you have a friend out there in the same bed...oops...I mean boat as you (ya, stay out of my bed, k?)!!!:) Good luck!
I love having my two girls. I think you just have to ask yourself, "would I be happier with more?" I was decidedly complete at two. Good luck.
First of all...I dont know one mom who doesnt think she is a lousy Mom. I have a lousy mom moment atleast 3-4 times a day!!! 2nd of all you are not chubby, the last time I saw you, you look fantastic!! 3rd...Its not your age its that it was your 3rd....It seems with each one, the aches and pains are worse and worse! Heck I was 28 by the time I had my 4th and it felt like the baby was going to fall out at 8 weeks! lol Not to scare you out of #4! LOL Lastly, you already know that you have to have this baby, you said so yourself, you know there is one more up there for you! Heck maybe 2 or three with how fertile your family is! Maybe you will have triplets! lol We will pray they are boys! However I must say I babysat for my friend this weekend who has a 2 year old little boy which actually made me thankful that I have none! They are WILD!!! Anyways...Congrats!! Im excited to hear the big news!
I'm with Rikke...you look fab, and you are a fantastic mama! However, adding another child to my brood makes me break down and ugly cry, and yet deep down I know there is one more coming.
So what do ya do? Have faith, go forward, and God will bless you! (Cheesy right? But true.)
It's always hard to know when you're done (or not). My Hubs had a sudden flash last fall that he wanted one more (our baby is 6). I thought long and hard but, I'm done.
Every pregnancy is different. Your new experience will probably be totally different. Follow your heart.
Okay- and I totally know your family. How funny that we're from the same 'Hood and didn't know it! I went to elementary school through high school with both your brother AND your sister-in-law. Small world.
How about a little popcorn, diet coke and a cuddle-up with "Saturday's Warrior"--if little Emily can't make the sale,, you're done!
But I'm a definite "Add Another Jeppson To The Grandclan" supporter--my four grandboos need the feminine gender lessons in their lives!
Good luck! My husband wants another too. I know he is hoping for a boy finally. I am not so sure. Although I was lucky to have easy pregnancies and births, he has been deployed most of our kids lives, and I am a bit worn out doing everything here without him. But like you, I do feel that there is another...
I had one brother and he died when he was 21 ... now I am the only one left to care for my mother and I have no one to really commiserate about my childhood with.
We have two boys and a girl ... if I could guarantee #4 would be a sister I might go for it. Yeah. Lemme go blog it out and see where I am.
That is the age old question. I wouldn't have had my #4 when I did if he hadn't have been a "ready or not here I come!!" The jump from 3 to 4 was not hard. Once you've lost your mind what's one more. Hang in there. Pray and you'll know what to do. Every women has asked herself the same thing. I tell my husband all the time that I don't feel good enough to be a mom to the kids I have. One of the Apostles in Stake Confence said something like choosing to have kids in today's world takes Courage. I agree! I think it also takes lots of Chocolate too!! YOu are an amazing women and Mom.
I would have one more too if I could guarentee mandatory bed rest for 9-10 months! That would be fun, not! You have cute little girls!!! You should try again to see if you can get a brunette this time!
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