Holy Cow It’s Christmas Already!

Well, if you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been around for a while. It just got to be too hard to do everything so it all fell to the wayside while I muscled through the last few weeks of school. This would include blogging, reading blogs, exercising, cooking, talking to my husband unless it involved crying-I always made time for crying, oh yeah, and being present in my children’s lives. I seemed to have plenty of time to stuff my face. Go figure. Get it?? Go figure?? Like my figure is going to Hell in a hand basket??? yeah….that’s not funny at all….pass the cookies…

Can I just say, I think it’s hilarious that a few of you thought that was my crack I posted a while ago! I love it! You know me so well! Maybe someday I will do what is expected of me-inappropriate partial nudity of yours truly- but for now I will leave it to the kids. Trust me, you’d know if it was me! I’m sure I would have a “Muffin-Top” WITH a thong involved, just to make it that much more comfortable for us all.

There has been many events this past month that I am excited to tell you about but some of them cannot be in the same post that I just created the above vision so I will wait on those. I do want to bring up a phenomenon that I do not understand.

Once a year something magical happens. Yes, that’s right all of our brothers and sisters who never leave their homes decide to leave the comforts of their caves to venture out for the month of December. It makes for a fun drive and an even more enjoyable shopping trip at Costco or our favorite place, Walmart. This is where they prove their awesome driving skills even more with a cart in a narrow aisle. Sure, it’s totally cool to completly stop and look at that Elvis snow globe and leave your cart in the middle of the aisle so NO ONE can pass you by so we can all enjoy the moment with you. Better yet why don’t you just cut across the busy aisle a nanosecond before I am right in front of you so I can attempt to stop my cart that is overloaded with Diet Coke, brownies, chips and the larger size of Calvin Klein’s because my butt is getting bigger and I don’t know why Christmas dinners for less fortunate families and Christmas gifts for all my neighbors. Then when I do get it stopped so I don’t run over you, you should stop and look at that new Sarah Palin book AND read the inside cover while I wait for you to move. No rush, I’ll wait.

The other day I was at Hell Walmart when I noticed a young couple smiling and giggling as they run about the store with birds frolicking about their love struck heads. As they looked at toys for no other reason than the girl was thinking “I bet he’s sooo great with kids! Look he’s looking at toys and he thinks that tea set is so cute! We’ll have at least 4 girls and he will spoil them and love them!” While he is thinking, “How long do I have to pretend I’m having fun looking at toys so she’ll make out with me?” All I could think was, “You’re on a date and you came here? On purpose?” All the while wishing I could climb to the top of this Walmart and dive off just to save myself the agony of..dun, dun, dun….the dreaded checkout line.

On any other day of the year these places are crowded and I have to deal with traffic but it seems as though from December 1st till Christmas day, the population doubles, nay, triples (did you notice I used the word ‘nay’?? School is totally making me smarter!)! I really don’t get it. I’m beginning to think either pod-people who deal in an underground city unknown to all of us come out shopping because even though they live in the sewers, they need bath gift-sets and Christmas towels, and stocking stuffers too, or it’s like the Wendover bus where people are shipped in from all over to do their shopping here.

I’m pretty sure it was the first one.