Bedazzled by Lights

It was a beautiful winter’s night when we drove up to Centerville to break bread with my brother and his family before we went to Temple Square for a night of perfectly placed lighting, gorgeous Nativities and the joys of finding parking in a torn up downtown.

 

We happily wandered the grounds with cousins and a very pregnant aunt (I didn’t tell her, but I packed some clean newspaper, hot water, dental floss and a wooden spoon, just in case…) enjoying the scenery, December chill and Christmas anticipation.

 

  As you can see in this last picture, Annie was a little tired. But what you don’t see is what has gone on behind the scenes of this lovely night. As we made our way to the main Nativity, where they retell the story of Jesus’ birth, we find ourselves in the back of the reverent crowd. Some of the kids moved up to the front to get a better view. I picked this bundle of cuteness out of her comfy seat so she can see the scene a little better.

That is when I noticed the smell. The smell of death and rot. I turned to my little dainty flower and said, “Did you make a poopy?” Just then, she decided to play “Improv” and ‘become like a cherubic fountain’. Once again, those damn diapers failed to hold what this angel could give it and fecal tainted urine shot from the top of her diaper all over the front of my coat. I promptly dropped set her on the ground and used all the strength in my body to not drop the ‘F-bomb’ in front of the Salt Lake Temple. Not that I would ever do that anywhere. EVER. I swear. I mean, I promise…

Guess what mommy didn’t bring…a diaper or a single wet wipe.

Guess what mommy smelled like….well, it wasn’t roses!

I did the only thing I knew to do. I picked up my soiled child and booked it for the nearest restroom. I feel bad for any woman that went to that bathroom for the rest of that night because what we left in there was unholy and demonic! (Note to self: pay a little extra tithing next week to cover the fumigating costs of that poor public bathroom!)

What I didn’t know is that my very shy and VERY pregnant sister-in-law, Catherine(who, amazingly enough, wasn’t crowning…yet…), was going up to complete strangers that just happened to be pushing a stroller and asking them if they had a diaper they could spare. I think she hit up four different couples before she found one! So, thanks, random stranger, you saved us that night, or at least covered my poor baby’s bum!

Unfortunately, Catherine couldn’t find any perfume or disinfectant for me so guess what I still smelled like! It was cold that night, too, so I wasn't about to take off that coat but I’m pretty sure those who passed me wondered what the bewitching scent was that I was wearing. With my added aroma and Lily’s lack of pants, I figured it was time to call it a night. But not before one more incredibly necessary photo op:

 

This is me being incredibly happy that I smelled like s@#! and the fact that Annie would NOT let us take a cutesy-poopsy picture of just the two of us.

  

This one turned out a little better because I was holding my breath, which helped, aside from the loss of consciousness afterwards, and holding Annie back with my foot as she screamed and begged to be by mommy.

We look totally happy and well adjusted don’t we?

*Side note: The coat has since been washed. Twice.