As you can see, I survived my math mid-term (what?? She had a math mid-term?? She never even mentioned she was in school…..she’s really pale…Hot Pocket…)
Sorry, random Gaffigan moment.
Anyhoo…..I am on the other side. I don’t know what my grade is but I finished the 23 question just shy of 2 hours…yeah, I’m pathetic.
Seeings how I didn’t think Enrichment Homemaking What is it Called? Relief Society Night, a midterm, a 3 hour night class and a pile of homework up to my fine booty was enough, I decided to host Book Club tonight.
What the what??? Now I gotta clean my giant postage stamp of a house for company to come over???? Holy Good Crap!! Do you think my guest will mind the streaks of I don’t even know what on my walls or the 4 inches of dust on everything (including my uterus), 2 broken chairs and the floor to sit on and a tasty refreshment we like to call ‘buttered saltines’?
I may have big shoes to fill tonight considering the last few houses we’ve met at don’t have the bewitching scent of “What the H is that???”, they had enough chairs for all their guests, no diapers hiding under there (haha, you said underwear!!) and they each have had a ‘snack’ spread you wouldn’t believe! I mean, homemade chocolate cupcakes of sin and butter, fruit salad fit for the Gods, delightful dips with homemade cinnamon chips, salsas, chocolate covered strawberries, Matthew McConaughey on toast….wait…..that was a different get together all together…..ahem…
But you know what??? I think they are gonna love it!
You know why? I’ll tell you why. I will do ANYTHING to entertain you. That’s right, I will be your performing monkey! If you leave my house without laughing either at my own pain and humiliation, the perfect line, or seeing what I can light on fire that you never thought you could, unless, of course, you were a 12 year old boy, then it is not my fault! I may not be the hostess-with-the-mostest but I can at least make you tear up and maybe even pee a little-mostly at my own expense.
So, even though it’s ‘just at Mindi’s house’ I know they will come. Who knows, I may even bring out the hummus WITH the buttered saltines!
You wanna come? We might even talk about the book! What were we reading again??
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12 comments:
Stop! I am laughing so hard I am crying! And now I am really crying because I can't be there...you are torturing me, you and your dusty uterus! (yours is dusty, mine is boiled, no wonder we're friends.) I remember the first book club I ever went to was at your house...Amy made us read that dirty chocolate book, and there was, of course, hummus involved.
You are the most entertaining person on the planet! (Remember, I'm the president of your fan club?) Have so much fun, but not too much fun, I'll just be here alone in my room, crying lonely tears...
You crack me up! I really think we should find a book about performing monkeys to read for next time. Just to bring it all together, ya know.
I wanna come. Too bad I have book fair at the school tonight or I would totally crash your party! miss you
My sister and I tried to start a book club, but I left after she mocked me for reading passages from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
So, yes, I would like to join your book club. It might just take me a fews days to get there!
speaking of dust on your uterus I had a dream last night you were pregnant. (you were only five weeks and were not telling anyone and I just said something and you snapped and admitted you were pregnant but that if I told anyone you said you'd have to "kill" me. LOL!
I want to come!! That sounds wonderfully fun. And yes I did say underware :)
I want to come to the party where Matthew McConaughey is served on toast...
You slay me!
Okay that was way funny. Not just your commentary, which is always hilarious, but the Gaffigan moment -- which I had never heard of but am now so glad I clicked on. My son (an avid hot pocket eater) and I were having a parent/child quality time moment listening to stand up comedy and laughing together. Thank you for enriching/homemaking my day.
Tears of laughter are rolling down my face!!! You seriously need to stop!!! BTW, the hummus was disguised as the cucumber salad...think about it, just seeing if Cassie is paying attention!
Mindi, you should WRITE the performing monkey book! My husband bought his own hot pocket last week. Is that a reflection on my character?
I had to skip the rest of your post because once you said Gaffigan, I had to jump down here and ask - have you ever seen his cake sketch?
FUNNIEST THING EVER.
...
EVER!!!!!!!!
OK, just finished. Funny - book club and yes, very entertaining!
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