Aww the things kids do..

It’s always good to unplug and get out. My eldest told my husband and I that we are on our phones way too much.

Of course, when I told her she was right and we should probably get rid of The Disney Channel, too, she didn’t seem quite as concerned about our phone usage.

But anyway, it’s always good to get out in nature. You’d be amazed what you can find in nature! Even on a simple nature walk.

My 7 year old found her own iPad:

And it’s charger:

She’s playing Angry Birds on it as we speak.

My 4 year old brought her own cart to the store and that’s just cute:

But what I am most impressed with is who my eldest has in her address book:

Signs that my children’s parents may be losing their minds

When there are 2 adults in charge of a family and one of them has gone a little nutty, the family can continue to function even if it is on ramen noodles.

But if both adults have gone coo coo for Cocoa Puffs…you may have a problem.

I’m sorry, little children of my household, your parents are losing it.

I have many examples of my ineptness, in fact, I could probably have a weekly segment called “Mama’s Nuts” and it could go for a very very long time. There are times I have wondered if I have a neurological issue and where the line was drawn between a mother spread too thin and a certifiable mental patient.

I could actually go for a couple days in a padded room. Sounds quiet. Serene…Peaceful..

Anyway. For sake of time, I will only share two of my ‘Duh’s’.

Duh #1: Let me preface this one by saying when you are nursing you tend to forget that this is your body and modesty is still a good idea. Just because my chest is now a small person’s lunch box doesn’t mean everyone else sees it that way. I was at church and had to nurse and while I was doing so, my sweet angel sharted all over herself and my skirt. I had a change of clothes for her but none for myself so I went to find my husband to have him take me home to change. I started to hesitate about leaving since it wasn’t a whole lot and my skirt was brown (the fact I even thought that is proof I’m nuts. THERE IS POOP ON YOUR CLOTHES=IT’S OK TO LEAVE CHURCH) My husband and I are standing in the foyer near the chapel as I am saying maybe it’s not that bad and while I am telling him this I proceed to lift up my skirt to see if it leaked through to my underclothes.

I’ll give you a minute to read that again and slap your forehead.

There just happened to be a fellow worshipper sitting across the room with his daughter. I am pretty sure he didn’t notice what I had done or I would have gotten several phone calls. My husband on the other hand, was thoroughly embarrassed and possibly contemplating having me committed. I think the only thing that stopped him is who would ‘take care’ of the kids while he was at work..

Duh #2: My children had some money that they were desperate to spend on anything. My 4 year old had just received $10 from her grandparents for her birthday and her older sister had about $5 each. I was getting so tired of trying to tell them to save their money for something worthwhile and the fact that one child kept trying to swindle the 4 year old, the richest of the three.

So today I took them to the store in search of earrings and these dolls they wanted (which this store didn’t have). By the time they were done choosing from the buffet of crap, I just wanted to be done with this awesome lesson on money so I could grab a Diet Coke and be on my way. We got up to the checkout stand and all I was thinking was to let each child pay for their stuff and get their own receipt, yada, yada. Only problem is, I knew they would all go a little over the money they had (I know, I am an awesome teacher about all things money) so I was going to have to make up the difference on my debit card. 4 year old was first and she handed over her $10 bill and I said I’d need to put the other 2 bucks on my card. As I was doing this, I figured cash would be much easier to do this with so I asked for $10 back in cash. The guy giggled and gave me my daughter’s $10 bill.

Ho.Ly.DUH.

I told him this was one of the reasons I should never go in public and jokingly added, “you’re gonna blog about this, aren’t you?!” And that was when he told me all about his blog and the address and title.

Glad I could provide him (and me) with some blog fodder.

So. ElRey isn’t safe from this mental illness either, it just doesn’t show up as often. When I was still in the hospital, he was filling out all the paper work for the hospital and for our baby’s social security number. Baby and I had been home for about a week when we got a phone call from the hospital saying they had the baby as Lily but our insurance had her as Lucy.

Oops.

Then we got something in the mail from Social Security and, yay, it was Lucy’s SSN only it didn’t say Lucy Jane…it said Lily Jane.

Double Oops.

So according to the federal government we ran out of names after 3 and just stuck with what we had.

Is the line “I’m Darrell and this is my brother, Darrell” running through anyone else’s head right now? ….Sigh…

And we’re somehow supposed to get these people into adulthood and on their own???

Be afraid, children. Be very afraid…

New mantra

I am a daughter of God with infinite worth raising daughters of God of infinite worth.

This is my new mantra this week.

I am hoping it will help push all the yuck out of my mind. All day long I mentally beating myself up about things from not having a cleaner house, the kids are fighting again, or I’m fat all the way to I haven’t showered yet or I ate a dozen cookies and didn’t realize it.

All this self loathing gets exhausting.

I know God lives and that I am one of his children that he wants to have come home to him. So doesn't that make me worth something? Why do I work so hard to make sure I forget this fact? I have always struggled with the negative self talk. In fact it got so bad on my mission I became more of a hindrance than anything else. I did what I do best and ran away from it. It comes creeping back in and I am in the life I always wanted and yet I often have the desire to run very far away from all the things I must be doing terribly wrong.

But I can't and I won't.

I often wish I was my 20 year old self. I was confident in myself, content with who I was and had no doubt of my divine nature. I want that back in my 35 year old self. I always thought I’d eventually grow out of that whole low self esteem thing but it turns out it's just been over more things. This is why I have a new mantra this week. It is to help be reacquainted with that happier, Godly focused 20 year old and make her an even better 35 year old.

Because I am a daughter of God with infinite worth raising daughters of God with infinite worth.

And is more important than that?

Welcome to the neighborhood

Aw the ‘hood.

I love my neighborhood. I also don’t like it very much. I love that there is no HOA, we have a park right down the street, a TRAX station within walking distance and a speed limit of 15mph. I hate that there is no HOA, we have  a park right down the street, a TRAX station within walking distance and a speed limit of 15mph.

I’m sure every neighborhood has their pros and cons and the thing that makes it livable or horrible are the people. I gots good peoples ‘round here. Mostly.

Some people are dillholes. I’m not even sure where they live but it’s the people that write horrible things on the play ground or on people’s fences or work on their cars in the middle of the road. But the ones that really irritate me are the ones involving this sign:

If you look closely and I recommend you don’t, someone has written the Queen of all cuss words where the faded heart is. So instead of it saying “we {heart} our children, it says, “We….” Well, you get the idea..

This sign just so happens to be in my front yard. At one point I thought the word had been washed off by weather or some city worker until one day my 7 year old came in and asked, “Mom, is #!@* a bad word?”

Nothing more tender than hearing your 7 year old say that word.

I was so caught by surprise all I said was, “Yes” and then she went off to school. That whole day I was worried that she was telling her friends all about the new word she learned all because I didn’t discuss what a horrible word it really is. Luckily, I did not get a call from the school that day. Phew!

After that it became a sort of war between my 9 year old and her friend and the dillholes that were writing the word. The girls would scribble over it with a Sharpie and a few days later the word would show back up like a bad 80’s sitcom.

We were playing outside the other day and all I could see was that stupid word. It’s one thing if I’m seeing it but the thing that makes me so angry is that my children's innocent little minds were being introduced to some of the ugliness of the English language.

I kept trying different products I was finding in my garage to get it off. Who knew it end up being just a Kirkland disinfectant wipe?! Only thing was by the time I got it off, the heart was totally gone, too! So now I just had a sign saying “We      our children”. That just makes no sense so out came the red Sharpie.

I felt a little dorky standing there coloring a heart on a street sign but it was for the kids.

It’s been a week since and we may be in a cease fire but I’m worried they are just trying to make me feel safe and then they’ll attack with Sharpie in hand.

I’m watching and waiting with my Kirtland wipes and my own Sharpie.

And yes, I have no life.

I’m only here for the food.

I tell ya what. If we were graded on our blogging I would get a big fat F!!!

I haven’t written in forever and I’ve hardly read any blogs in the world wide web! It’s not that I don’t want to or I don’t have anything to say, it’s just that I have the mental capacity of a carrot and who has ever heard of a carrot blogger?? I mean that’s just silly!

See what I mean?

I can’t remember words, when I talk I make no sense and when someone asks me a question, seconds later I have forgotten it (however, for some reason I haven’t forgotten the unintentional insensitive remark my husband made last week or that little brat girl that told me I was chubby at the pool)….what was I saying?

This is with a sleeping newborn. Can you imagine if she was up several times a night??

Another reason for my absence is trying to keep everyone busy. We live in a house that is the size of a postage stamp so it’s hard to keep clean (a 4 year old with a soap and water fetish, the need to crush crackers/cereal/strawberries into the carpet and rip up toilet paper doesn’t help) and it’s hard to not be on top of each other all the time. So I leave. While we are gone I am pretty sure someone can break into the house, vandalize it and I wouldn’t notice.

So anyway, I pack up 3 crazy girls, a nursing baby, a tired, frazzled, still-trying-to-recover- from-making-and-birthing-a-human- mommy, a stroller and diaper bag. When we finally reach our destination I look at everyone and realize we all look like a bunch of street urchins but at least we made it, right? I haven’t even gotten to the activity and I am already exhausted.

This is where my incentive program comes in handy. I like to work our fun around good food. I can’t help it. I truly am one of those people that is ‘only here for the food’. I have been know to drive to Ogden (about 2 hours away) to go to a kid’s museum but I’m really going up there for this:

Yes, that hamburger is the size of my head.

I like to go to downtown Salt Lake to see the temple and a kid’s museum there. Ok…I’m really going there so I can eat at Bro. Brigham’s house. Not only do they serve Diet Coke, but they have the best rolls on the planet and mac and cheese to die for!!

There is a restaurant in Carlsbad, CA. near the shore that serves awesome burgers and a Mexican joint in Ocenaside, CA. near the strip club (and the Top Gun house) that I would totally use seeing my BFF Amber as an excuse to go to these places again if I thought my van could handle and my wallet could handle it.

My latest excursion is Glamazon’s fault. We met up for dinner the other night at this pizza place in Provo (30-40 minutes away) called Malawi’s Pizza. I died and went to heaven. I didn’t even care that I was the only one that ate my entire pizza. It was worth every mouth watering bite. I mean look at this thing:

The picture doesn’t do it justice but, wow!

So. The next morning(yes, the very next day) I woke up trying to figure out something to do in Provo so I could go back. It was between a free museum on the BYU campus or Bridal Veil Falls just up the street from the restaurant. I didn’t really care, remember? I was only there for the food.

We chose the falls and they didn’t disappoint:

I forgot how pretty it was there!

Oh, another cool thing about Malawi’s-for every meal they serve they donate a nutritious meal to orphan’s in Malawi, Africa. So not only did I get my kids out of the house and outside to see nature’s beauty, I fed 4 orphans in a 24 hour period.

You’re welcome, little orphans!

What to wear, what to wear..

My mother and I have a similar trait: we both hate to shop.

Yeah, we’re like 2 of the 7 women in the world that hate to shop.

Just imagine how fun our shopping trips are together. This is why when my birthday would come up she started just giving me cash instead of taking me on a shopping spree.

I am most comfortable in a pair of khaki’s, a t-shirt and flip flops. Any time I try to step it up, maybe try to be a little more stylish I don’t feel comfortable and end up never wearing the stuff. I look at my friends, who are all very stylish and even wear that stuff called ‘accessories’ and they look so cute but they are wearing stuff I know I would never take off the rack to even try on but I think if they can pull it off, why can’t I? (I can apparently pull off a run on sentence really well..) But then I attempt it and I feel like one of those hippos in a tutu in that Disney cartoon.

My mother and I were talking about this the other day because she wanted me to go shopping with her to buy some sandals. We bonded over an “Aha Moment” when I said, “The only difference between us and those who wear the more trendier fashions is they own it and that’s why they can pull it off. We don’t own it, we just sit there feeling like a dork who is trying too hard. We need to learn to put it on and own it!” This is where my mom said some “Hallelujah’s” and “Amen’s” and went and bought the sandals. And a white tiger, you know, to accessorize. She’s totally owning it.

I’ve decided I am gonna do the same, buy a look and own it. Here’s some looks I feel I can totally pull off with a little confidence and a couple Xanax, you know, to accessorize. I know I can own that.

A fanny pack is ALWAYS flattering. Always.

I am so confidant I can pull this stuff off that I’m heading out the door to shop till I drop!

I may have to go to more than one store but I’m gonna totally own it, baby!