Signs that my children’s parents may be losing their minds

When there are 2 adults in charge of a family and one of them has gone a little nutty, the family can continue to function even if it is on ramen noodles.

But if both adults have gone coo coo for Cocoa Puffs…you may have a problem.

I’m sorry, little children of my household, your parents are losing it.

I have many examples of my ineptness, in fact, I could probably have a weekly segment called “Mama’s Nuts” and it could go for a very very long time. There are times I have wondered if I have a neurological issue and where the line was drawn between a mother spread too thin and a certifiable mental patient.

I could actually go for a couple days in a padded room. Sounds quiet. Serene…Peaceful..

Anyway. For sake of time, I will only share two of my ‘Duh’s’.

Duh #1: Let me preface this one by saying when you are nursing you tend to forget that this is your body and modesty is still a good idea. Just because my chest is now a small person’s lunch box doesn’t mean everyone else sees it that way. I was at church and had to nurse and while I was doing so, my sweet angel sharted all over herself and my skirt. I had a change of clothes for her but none for myself so I went to find my husband to have him take me home to change. I started to hesitate about leaving since it wasn’t a whole lot and my skirt was brown (the fact I even thought that is proof I’m nuts. THERE IS POOP ON YOUR CLOTHES=IT’S OK TO LEAVE CHURCH) My husband and I are standing in the foyer near the chapel as I am saying maybe it’s not that bad and while I am telling him this I proceed to lift up my skirt to see if it leaked through to my underclothes.

I’ll give you a minute to read that again and slap your forehead.

There just happened to be a fellow worshipper sitting across the room with his daughter. I am pretty sure he didn’t notice what I had done or I would have gotten several phone calls. My husband on the other hand, was thoroughly embarrassed and possibly contemplating having me committed. I think the only thing that stopped him is who would ‘take care’ of the kids while he was at work..

Duh #2: My children had some money that they were desperate to spend on anything. My 4 year old had just received $10 from her grandparents for her birthday and her older sister had about $5 each. I was getting so tired of trying to tell them to save their money for something worthwhile and the fact that one child kept trying to swindle the 4 year old, the richest of the three.

So today I took them to the store in search of earrings and these dolls they wanted (which this store didn’t have). By the time they were done choosing from the buffet of crap, I just wanted to be done with this awesome lesson on money so I could grab a Diet Coke and be on my way. We got up to the checkout stand and all I was thinking was to let each child pay for their stuff and get their own receipt, yada, yada. Only problem is, I knew they would all go a little over the money they had (I know, I am an awesome teacher about all things money) so I was going to have to make up the difference on my debit card. 4 year old was first and she handed over her $10 bill and I said I’d need to put the other 2 bucks on my card. As I was doing this, I figured cash would be much easier to do this with so I asked for $10 back in cash. The guy giggled and gave me my daughter’s $10 bill.

Ho.Ly.DUH.

I told him this was one of the reasons I should never go in public and jokingly added, “you’re gonna blog about this, aren’t you?!” And that was when he told me all about his blog and the address and title.

Glad I could provide him (and me) with some blog fodder.

So. ElRey isn’t safe from this mental illness either, it just doesn’t show up as often. When I was still in the hospital, he was filling out all the paper work for the hospital and for our baby’s social security number. Baby and I had been home for about a week when we got a phone call from the hospital saying they had the baby as Lily but our insurance had her as Lucy.

Oops.

Then we got something in the mail from Social Security and, yay, it was Lucy’s SSN only it didn’t say Lucy Jane…it said Lily Jane.

Double Oops.

So according to the federal government we ran out of names after 3 and just stuck with what we had.

Is the line “I’m Darrell and this is my brother, Darrell” running through anyone else’s head right now? ….Sigh…

And we’re somehow supposed to get these people into adulthood and on their own???

Be afraid, children. Be very afraid…