Furry Pain in the Neck

After filling our postage-stamp-sized house with 4 little girls, we thought it would be brilliant to get a dog.

Yeah, brilliant.

For some reason my will to keep us dog free was waning. I had never had a dog growing up and secretly always wanted one. So I started looking around online for free dogs. I did this for weeks before I even told my husband. The moment I told him, he was on board and looking, too. I got on the site one day and there she was. Begging me with her big chocolate brown eyes to come save her.

"Help me, Mindi Jeppson, you're my only hope!"

I knew she was mine. She was my kind of dog. Apparently "my kind of dog" is one with ADHD that sheds so much fur, I could make a blanket. For a giant who isn't worried about allergies. If we could read her mind, all we'd hear is, "Play?! PLAY?! HEY!! I'M GONNA SNIFF THAT DOG'S BUTT AND THEN TRY TO LICK YOUR FACE! PLAY?!"

I have discovered that she loves to run. She gets going so fast that she can't stop herself and knocks you over. I've been knocked on my butt and my 6 year old caught some serious air when she plowed into her.

That mutt be crazy!

In an attempt to burn off some of that crazy energy, I started to be dragged down the street by her taking her running with me. It takes about 15-20 minutes before she calms down enough for me to put my shoulder back into socket, catch a breath and stop yelling, "WHOA!WHOA!!WHOA!!!NO!NO!NOOO!!" That's usually when I stop seeing spots and can actually focus on not tripping.

It's good times.

For a little while I was going early in the morning. I swear she could here my alarm better than I could. I'd try to sneak into the bathroom to get ready and she'd immediately start whining and jumping in her kennel! If she sees me in anything that looks remotely like workout clothes, she immediately starts jumping all over me and running up and down the stairs, knocking small people over. She sees the leash? Watch. Out.

"Where we go?! Go fast?! CATS!!"

 My friends and I were headed out for a run the other day and there she was in her spazzy glory while we just all laughed at her "hopped up on tasty cats full of catnip" craziness. I started doing my best impression of her (It's epic, I tell you) when I felt a sudden pain in my neck. I figured it would let up as I went but it just got worse. By the time I got home, I could barely move my head and I could feel my shoulders tensing up. I was down for a freaking week with a pinched nerve in my neck.

Because I mocked my spaz of a dog.

I finally got relief a week later when I dragged myself to the Dr where he gave me a couple shots in my neck. Shots in my freaking neck.

Because of my freaking spaz of a dog.

Okay, because of a spazzy old lady mocking her freaking spaz dog.

My 2 two-year-olds. One of them is house trained and it ain't the one in undies.

So, if you see us running down the street, one of us with our tongue flapping in the wind and the other screaming with arms flailing, just know that I may be running to my death.

That just happened

You know when you were young and had no children and you knew everything about parenting and knew you'd rock it as a parent?

Fast forward 13 years and 4 kids later and you find yourself in the corner of a dark closet with unwashed hair and still in jammies just hoping the little angels won't find you and ask you a question you know you don't have an answer to.

Or so I've heard.

I totally rock the heck out of parenting. I'm sure they are planning the monument dedicated to me as we speak. I'm sure it'll be a disheveled woman with glassy, unfocused eyes, a shirt with stains on it, slippers that I like to call 'shoes' and a Diet Coke in hand. Probably a Super Big Gulp.

Anyhoodle, I digress.

We've all had those times when we think we are doing the perfect thing in the moment for our kid(s). Like the time you were swinging a little one around making him giggle only to slam his head into a wall/door/tree or playing catch in the backyard and you clock her in the eye with the ball. Or how about the time you let your toddler snuggle a baby cougar.

It happens to the best of us. And the okayest of us.

Yesterday I had one of these moments. I have a child that I tend to butt heads with, to put it mildly. It seems as though anytime we are interacting one or both of us is yelling and/or crying or I am nagging her about something she needs to do. So any chance we actually have a quiet moment together, I try to remember to say loving things or hug her or laugh with her. So here she is standing in front of me telling me about something that happened at school and I am admiring her beautiful eyes, her cute and squishable cheeks, her sweet voice(since it wasn't in scream mode) and I was, once again, surprised how much she has grown. When she was done with her story I started telling her how cute she is as I grabbed her and threw her on my lap. As I was hugging and tickling her I said, "When did you get too big to sit on my lap?! Where did my baby go?! You'll always be my baby!" All while I was imagining her big smile on her cute face.

But there was no smile.

She started bawling!

"I don't like it *sob* when you say that because it *sniff* reminds me that one day *sob* I'll die and I don't want to think about that *sob*!!"

Apparently, instead of showing her my love for her I merely reminded her of her mortality!

Bravo, mom. Bravo.

So back into the dark corner of the closet I go...Where's my Super Big Gulp?

Diet tips

Happy 2014!!

This is the time of year when everyone seems to get serious about weight-loss and fitness.

For a week or two.

I know there is a lot of confusing info out there on how to shed pounds. I've been at it for years and want to share my wisdom with you.

You're welcome.

*When starting a new diet plan, it's important to get rid of all the junk in your house. You can't throw it away because that would be wasteful. It can only be done in a late night binge while watching reruns of Magnum PI and Gilmore Girls or during an episode of Biggest Loser. Don't worry, tomorrow you start fresh eating kale and drowning in water so tonight doesn't count.

*When you have a salad for a meal it is always okay to have a giant cookie after. Go ahead, you've earned it.

*It's important to eat a copious amount of bread when you know you'll be having a big meal or lots of sugary treats. The bread will help absorb the excess fat, carbs and sugar before it has a chance to clinge to your hips. Feel free to dip the bread in olive oil and vinegar because it's a good fat.

*If you top your super nachos with fresh guacamole, those nachos are an instant salad. Plus, the avocado is a good fat so it counteracts the bad fat.

*After a good workout, a trip thru the nearest fast food drive-thru is in order. You've earned it.

*If your scale is not giving you the number you want, it's probably wrong and you should set it back a few pounds to make it more accurate.

*It's OK to 'eat your feelings'. The calories don't count. So if your sad, go ahead and have a donut. You'll feel better after.

*If you are having a cheat day, it's important to eat everything in sight. You may never see cookies or cheeseburgers again so get it while you can.

*If your pants are tight, it is always the dryers fault. And you should probably eat some cheesecake to show that dryer who's boss.

*If you find yourself overeating just tell everyone you're 'carb loading'  for your big run in the morning. Even if it's only 3 miles. Or a nap. Then people won't judge you for the mountain of nachos your chowing on.

So there's a few tips for you as you start your health journey in 2014. I'm pretty sure my health book will be a best seller so you're lucky you're getting these for free.




 

Smiling through the poop

 

Aww…don’t we look so cute??

What this picture doesn’t capture is the fact my coat is covered in my baby’s poo. That’s right, we’re smiling thru the poop. This was a trip to Temple Square a couple years ago and it was crowded. Perfect time for a diaper to NOT do it’s job.

Sometimes I think that’s what life is all about.

Smiling thru the poop.

Let me explain.

Growing up I don’t remember seeing my dad a ton. He wasn’t a dead beat, in fact, he was the opposite. He was doing all he could to make sure my mom could be home with the kids. Trust me, we needed constant adult supervision. And by “we” I mean my older brothers. Okay, really just one but that’s another story. So while my dad was off working 2, sometimes 3 jobs and/or getting another degree to help up his pay my mom was holding down the fort and probably praying it would still be standing by bedtime.

To me it all looked so easy. My dad must have loved his job(s) and surely my mom loved cooking and cleaning and keeping the kids alive. My favorite was when dad had time off. He always made the best of it. He’s nomadic and must travel so that’s what we did. We’d pile up in our big brown Suburban, pray that it would get us to our destination and take off. These ended up being the finest memories of my childhood. Again, we had so much fun that my parents must have been having a blast right along with us, right?

Well. Fast forward to my adulthood and parenthood…Wait…this isn’t 24/7 fun. I don’t love cooking and cleaning all day and my husband certainly isn’t in love with his job. And those family trips?? Holy crap, they are hard and exhausting to do! We need a vacation just to recover! I remember asking my mom how they did all those trips with all the planning, packing and yet they seemed to have just as much fun as we did. Her response? “It was exhausting and I often wondered if I would survive it.” Awesome.

I always envisioned family home evening  would go like this:

When really it’s more like this:

But we are gluttons for punishment and we keep trying anyway.

Parenthood just isn’t all about rainbows and butterflies. In fact, it’s mostly dealing with poop. And I don’t just mean diapers and wiping little bums. That also includes, helping with homework, getting them to do chores, time outs, fighting…..the list goes on. This isn’t work for the weak. Or the easily queasy.

I always thought I’d never leave the house unless my kids were clean, hair done and always looking cute. Usually they just look like this:

I thought I’d always be on top of things, house, homework, bills but somehow this seems to be as good as it gets:

So my point is…what is my point..oh yeah, my point is that while this is the most rewarding work on the planet (or so I’m told), most of it is mundane, hard and I’ll even go so far as to say boring. And its dealing with a lot of poop. The trick is to find the happy, joyful moments amid all the poop. It could be a baby’s laugh when you’re playing peek-a-boo for the 475th time or an older child making a witty joke when the two of you are fighting. It’s a husband recognizing you need a moment and putting you in a time out with a Diet Coke and the remote to the TV.

On the fateful poopy night, it was being with my family on a beautiful winter’s night at one of my favorite places. In that moment, it was a sweet picture with the man I love and who joins me in this crazy journey called “Family”.

Hi, my name is…

I keep playing peek-a-boo with this little blog. I keep wanting to come back full force and yet my brain seems to have lost the ability to form any thought longer than a Facebook status update. Plus, it seems anytime I try to come up with anything it turns into this big boo-hoo fest! Who wants that, right?!

So in my own peek-a-boo attempt at blogging I thought I’d reintroduce myself since you may have forgotten who I am. I know I do…often!

Hi. My name is Mindi.

* I like love am obsessed with books.

* So much so that I even smell them and get a little flutter in my tummy as though I just smelled freshly baked cookies.

* I’ve learned you’ve gotta be really careful with smelling library books, tho.

*I probably read 2-3 books a week depending on the size of them.

* I hate sippy cups.

* My least favorite thing about being mommy is playing the “What’s That Stink?!” game.

* When someone is having a difficult time-it could be that they have an ingrown toenail or they are fighting cancer- They only thing I know what to do for them is give them food.

* I’m completely stumped when the person doesn’t have the same perverted and messed up perfectly healthy relationship with food.

* I’ve recently developed a crush on Abraham Lincoln.

* It’s partly because of his vampire hunter skills. But mostly because of Daniel Day-Lewis.

* I often wish I gave all my kids the same name. So I’d never ever get their names wrong again.

* I was filling out an order form for something for my baby which required her birthdate. I put her sister’s.

* Don’t tell me about a TV show you love. I will find it and watch every episode consecutively. If I like it, I will sacrifice sleep, money, showering and my children’s well being until I have watched every episode available.

* I may or may not have an addiction problem.

Thank you for coming.

Wait…why do I like this??

In case you’re visiting for the first time, I love to run. Like a lot. Like, I’ve lost toenails over it, ran on a hurt ankle and have been known to run when I haven’t gotten totally over the flu. I tried dragging missionary companions out running with me and gave one shin splints. So, ya, I like running.

I can get so lost in what I am doing that I don’t pay attention all that well. One such occasion was a recent long distance run where I had to run on the street in an area that gets pretty narrow. At this point I look across the street to see an old friend from my Logan days and instead of just thinking to myself, “oh, there goes so-n-so” I yelled out, “Hey! Is that Brad??” He looks over, bewildered and I yell again, waving frantically, “Hiiiii!! It’s Mindi!!” Aaanndd that’s when I almost got hit by a car! Yup, I’m a dork.

I follow a couple of running stores on Facebook and one of them posed the question “What’s your biggest fear regarding running?” Mine? Falling. Getting injured. Getting attacked. Getting hit by a car. Falling. Wait….why do I like doing this?

Well, today was one of those runs where I really did wonder that very thing. Luckily I don’t have many of those but this one was pretty epic. It coulda been worse but, seriously, wow. Good times.

It started off with having to layer up the runner and the baby being dragged along because I live in Utah where one day it’s 70* and the next day it’s 27*. I also grabbed 2 blankets to keep her bundled and warm. Next, the dog…did I mention I got a dog? A big, strong and energetic dog? So, one hand, stroller, other hand dog and off we go. And there was my mistake. The blankets kept falling off, the leash kept slipping off my gloved hand and the dog kept getting a little excited and trying to bolt all while I’m trying to keep the stroller from rolling into oncoming traffic! At one point I lost one blanket, turned to grab it and couldn’t find it anywhere. Fine, I’ll find it on my way back. Still trying to keep dog and stroller and my own body under control when suddenly there’s these giant piles of leaves covered in snow that I have to trudge thru- THREE OF THEM!! And the blanket falls off again and I run over it in the wet mucky leaves…here’s your wet blanket baby…Next, I was dying of heat-overlayered- but the only thing I take the time to get rid of is my gloves. Guess what, one falls off the stroller after the blanket falls for the 1,235th time and after I pick up the glove, the blanket falls AGAIN but this time gets tied up in the wheel and rips the blanket! I get back to where I lost the other blanket and I cannot find it anywhere until I look out on the busy high traffic street and, there it, lying helpless on the side of the road after being ran over by who knows how many cars! It had to have fallen when I was in the crosswalk and I think of all the people waiting there watching me keep running with my kid’s blanket lying in the middle of the street! And then I think of all the people watching me as I grab this beat up blanket on the side of the road, as though I was that desperate for a blanket! When will this run end?! I finally get to my street only to have both blankets get caught in the wheel! By the time I got home I was amazed we all made it alive! Freaking miracle.

I won’t even talk about the things I totally lost control of. My potty mouth. My bladder.

And yet, as I stood in the shower washing away the sweat pee and shame I was thinking of my next run.

Hopefully a run without a stroller, dog or mother-freakin-blankets.