Friday Confessions

Joining up with Glamazon and Mamarazzi for some confessing!

I confess:

• I hate commercials.
• I hate them so bad I prayed to have them go away.
• Now some of you might think, turn off the TV and go live life!
• But God knows me better than that.
• Which is why He gave us the DVR.
• You’re welcome.
• There are a few awesome quality commercials
• But 95% of them are worse than being trapped at the bottom of an outhouse.
• The kind I hate the most are the ones about things none of us really want to talk about.
• The ones that cover things like hemorrhoids, poopy diapers, adult diapers and feminine needs.
• ***sidenote****Has anyone noticed Steven Tyler often looks more feminine than JLo?***endsidenote***
• They are all things that may be necessary but we don’t need to discuss them, witness dramatizations or see how amazing they are at holding blue water.
• Being human can be gross and embarrassing and we don’t need to be reminded of it while watching Sister Wives or Grey’s Anatomy!
• We all know where to go to get stuff for the feminine itch/hemorrhoidal flair up/monthly visits/erectile dysfunction/lack of bladder control etc. etc.
• Ew.Just Ew.
• Have you ever had to go buy that kind of “reminding you that being human is gross” kind of stuff?
• Yeah, me neither.
• Cuz I don’t have any of those problems.
• But I will say for times like that, for those of you you have had them, I’m grateful for the self checkout.
• Especially when you (not me) are there just for that one thing.
• Only you throw in a candy bar to try to camouflage what you’re really there for.
• Unless there’s a price check issue.
• Over intercom “We need a price check on Preparation H Cream. Jumbo size. On aisle 4.”
• One time I did a big shopping trip and threw in my two embarrassing items into the middle of it all and the checkout lady actually held them both up and said nice and loud for all to hear, “Condoms and a bra, that’s an interesting combination!”
• It’s a shame she never made it home that night.
• But you gotta love  a store where you can get both of those at such a low price!
• My daughter likes to watch a few shows on TLC and she’ll record them.
• I don’t mind the show she’s watching, it’s the commercials for their other shows that bother me!
• She hasn’t totally grasped the whole forwarding commercials thing so I’ll walk in and they’ll be promoting another one of Lisa Ling’s shows.
• If you’ve seen her shows you know she’s following in the footsteps of her idol, Oprah, by showing all of us the ugliness of humanity.
• I’m just not ready to explain to my kid what transgender means or what a pedophile is.
• That’s just me.
• I usually come running  (by running I mean waddle) in the room saying, “let’s forward the commercials, please” frantically looking for the remote, as I hear some guy with a mullet and no teeth telling Ms. Ling about his love affair with his pet pig.
• ****anothersidenote****I swear Steven is wearing more lip gloss then Jennifer….******endsidenote****
• Anyway, I need to find something for explosive diarrhea but I just don’t know what…I keep forwarding the commercials, dang it!
• But it’s  not for me, it’s for a friend….I don’t have those kind of nasty problems!