What do you mean, I gotta get a job??

{Is anyone else having a difficult time getting a blog post done?? I swear, between trying to get to bed early, play ‘cruise director’ for my kids and my niece I am babysitting, trying to keep my house under control and say an occasional ‘hi’ to my husband, it has taken me since Sunday to write this! So you better love it and comment the heck out of it!! hee hee}

My children have asked me on several occasions why I don’t get a job and send them to daycare. Daycare is apparently the bomb in their little perspective and, trust me, there are days where that is very, very tempting. Job or not. I’ve never been a ‘have a job’ kinda gal. I’m not really a fan. Sure, I love having money but having to report somewhere at a certain time every day and stay till a certain time, follow rules and answer to someone? Yeah, not so much. I’m pretty sure I am destined to just be a ‘kept woman’.

I have had many a job in my short life. I’ve worked in mailrooms, a photo lab (how do you look a man in the eye when you just developed pictures of his wife/girlfriend in lingerie or him in nothing but chaps and a cowboy hat??), a video store (never ever put Sixteen Candles on the monitors even though it says it’s PG! Two words for you-“Frontal Nudity”!! Not that that ever happened to me…) and Dairy Queen (“Why are my pants getting tighter??”). Recently I have been a crossing guard (even though they work for the police department, there is a reason those guards aren’t issued guns! It’s just best for everyone!), babysitter and housekeeper. Obviously, I don’t have a whole lot of marketable skills.

Out of all of them I have two favorites. The first one, a courier. I was a courier for the photo lab and later, a medical billing office. I drove some beat up little car around the valley while blaring whatever heavy metal or rock music was on the radio. Occasionally a wicked awesome mix tape would be produce for my daily excursions. The windows would be down with the wind rushing through my hair. It was like mini road trips every day. I even had to pull over every now and then in some random parking lot because I would be so drowsy and use my 15 minute break for a quick nap. Even though I would always wake up in a panic thinking I slept too long, though I never did, I was always very glad I stopped.

Having issues with authority, being out on the road always made me feel like a free bird released from the cage of a cubicle. Free from the watchful eye of “The (wo)MAN”.

My favorite thing to do while I was out was to stop at an Einstein’s Bagels for a chocolate chip bagel and a Diet Coke. I went there so often that the dude behind the counter once said, “you sure like these, don’t you.” To which I replied, “They are pretty much the best EVER!” The charming teenager then said, “Well, good thing they are low fat.”

I didn’t got to that one for a while after that.

The second job was being a job coach for Kevin. When I first started working for this company, which took care of mentally handicapped individuals through group homes, job coaching and other activities, I worked at group homes. There I would assist the residence in getting ready, daily activities and keeping them calm and happy. One I worked in home housed 4 boys. I either had to get the 16 year old or 8 year old ready for school. I was really nervous about that since it required giving them a shower. Let’s just say their backs and chest were always REALLY clean on my days. I didn’t do that for long!

I also worked an occasional graveyard shift where I would make the meals for the next day, clean the house and just be there in case they needed me. I took work out videos, food, movies, anything to keep me awake. I learned that while a good movie helps you stay awake, you should never use Jesus of Nazareth to try to stay awake. Great movie and yet a great lullaby. No matter how intense it gets between Jesus and his Apostles, Jon the Baptist and Herod or Pilate and that joke called a trail, YOU WILL NOT BE AWAKE TO SEE IT!!

Kevin’s job coach was quitting so he was in need of a new one. I applied for and got the job. Kevin worked as an usher at the Sandy Movies 9 long before it became a $1 theater. Basically, I was there to make sure he acted appropriately and and was doing his job properly. If he was I could just sit there, munch on popcorn and all the soda I wanted while reading a book, watching a movie, or flirting with management. If he wasn’t I had to keep him from trying to break his ankle or wrist or apologize to customers if while he was ripping their ticket he said, “First door to your left, enjoy your f***ing movie!” Yeah, that was awkward. It usually took just talking to him in a quiet room till he calmed down and most of the time he was great.

He was happy with me and I with him. I truly enjoyed going to work. He loved spiders, plastic, metal, giant paper clips, safety pins and carabineers, pink and purple, The Beatles and Grease. It was driving him to work each day, listening to that soundtrack, especially “Grease Lightening”, when I discovered what John Travolta was really singing about. Dirty, dirty boy!!(I was going to do a link so you can witness for yourself but I just couldn’t, dirty, dirty, dirty!!)

We would go to my mom’s house for lunch before he had to be to work, he loved my mom, but really, she is impossible to resist. Whenever he would see me or my mom he would say, “Hullooo, Mindi”, or Hullooo, Paula” in a sing songy voice with an occasional hum at the end. After he would eat, if we had time, he would sit in my room and listen to music and bounce on my bed-feet firmly planted on the ground. One day I went in to tell him it was time to go. I sat next to him and he scooted closer to me, stared longingly at me from the corner of his eye and said, “Mindi, I like your big body hummmmm….”

Thanks, Kev.

Another time he went missing at work. I couldn’t find him anywhere and I was doing his job. I started looking in the theaters even though I wouldn’t think I would find him there. He just never tried to watch a movie while at work. But there he was in Jumanji, enjoying the spider scene. I pulled him out to find out what was going on.

Mindi: “Kevin, what are you doing in the movie? You know you can’t watch movies when you are working!”

Kevin(giggling): “I like the spiders, Mindi!”

M: “I know you like the spiders but you need to be doing your job.”

K: “I like the spiders because they remind me of biig haairry breaasts…hmmmm.”

M(trying not to fall on the floor laughing): “Um…alright…I don’t know whose breasts you’re seeing but whatever….just get back to work, okay?”

While I loved watching Braveheart, While You Were Sleeping, French Kiss, and Seven(mostly for the Bowie song at the end) over and over again, enjoying all the popcorn and Diet Coke I could possibly consume, great friends and no authority watching every move I make, the one thing I loved most was Kevin became a part of my family. Everyone loved him and we still talk about him today. He came to Thanksgiving dinners, 4th of July parties or just a nice evening at my mom’s. In fact, some of my friend’s and I still greet each other with, “Hullooo, Mindi, Hulllooo Robyn, I like your big body…”

I loved that guy and hope he is doing well.

Now I can’t stop thinking about those darn chocolate chip bagels!! Or hairy breasts…

Do you have a favorite job or experience at work?