An Epidemic...

It's true, there is an epidemic! It has hit my house-specifically me! It can hit anytime and anyone but it seems to be stronger this time of year and it mostly hits women-teenagers, college students, stay-at-home-moms and career women alike (this could be that women notice the symptoms more than men but experts aren't quite sure)! It is not prejudice, it'll take down anyone! It's called Mypantsaregettingtootightis or more commonly known as "The Muffin-top Flu". Symptoms are a constant bloated feeling, depression, the ravenous need for more chocolate and baked goods and a snug pair of jeans-not just the jeans out of the dryer snugness, I'm talking "should there be an imprint of the zipper in my flesh?" or "how long must I wear these before I can put my sweats back on??" kind of snugness! For some reason it is mostly dormant throughout the year until around October 15th and then it becomes airborne or "cookie-borne" and more dangerous as the year comes to a close. The only known treatment involves duct tape, sedatives and a treadmill but it hasn't always proven effective since it's difficult to go to all the parties while doped up running on a treadmill with your mouth taped shut! If you or anyone you know is experiencing any of these symptoms, step away from the cookie and meet me at Weight Watchers! Together we can stop this widespread epidemic and fight for a cure so no one will have to go through next year's "Muffin-Top Flu Season"!