It Runs in the Family

From the moment your child is born everyone plays the “Who is She More Like Game” which we all love.

“She looks just like you!”

“She looks just like your grandmother!”

“She gets that from your side of the family!”

“She has her father’s eyes.”

I am told quite often that Annie is my “Mini Me” which I take as a huge complement since she is very cute. The fact that she is my daughter through and through was confirmed today.

She was outside with her friend Will harassing the chickens and I just knew she was mine when I had to open the door and yell:

“Annie get you shirt back on!”

Diet coke is so off the list.

See you at Maverick.

Hail to/Kiss the Chef!!

I love meat!

Back before my mission I was working to lose some weight. I took it pretty serious to the point that I was very choosy about meat and I didn’t eat much of it. I would eat my mom’s chili but I would do my best to get only beans and no beef, I didn’t eat hamburgers and even if I had a healthy deli sandwich I would remove half the meat before I would eat it. Somewhere along the way I stopped being so choosy.

I am now making up for all the meat I missed out on during that time! I am like a lioness when it comes to my meat-everyone else is secondary and you better watch out or I may bite your hand off! I think there is even some moaning and growling going on during the whole frighteningly-disturbing-I-can’t-help-but-look process.

I mentioned earlier that ElRey made hamburgers the other night for dinner. What I didn’t mention is his way with meat! This man can cook, for real! It may be that he lacks any fear of oils and seasonings, but whatever he does it’s pure magical deliciousness (no, I am not talking about Lucky Charms!)! Many years ago, he became the official griller at my parents whenever we have a cook out and everyone raves about his skills with the spatula and fire.

One of ElRey’s other skills is mechanical knowledge. He can usually figure out what is wrong with a car and do the simple repairs or maintenances of a car-oil changes, brakes, tune-ups, etc. He can pretty much figure out how anything works and fix it or make it work better.

One of ElRey’s dreams is to open a restaurant featuring his magic. Every time I watch The Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, I realize this is a possible dream. We already have the idea for his establishment now all we need is some wealthy backers and we will be set!

So, here’s the idea and if you steal it I will hunt you down because it’s genius and I am not kidding!

Have you ever had to take your car in for a tune-up or to get your brakes done and while you are sitting there waiting you think, “Boy, a juicy burger sounds good right now!” But you are stuck till your car is done.

Well, that is not the case anymore! Come enjoy a tune-up with a side of ribs and potato salad. Or some killer biscuits and gravy with new brakes. We can tune up your car while we clog your arteries with home cooked goodness! Come join us today at:

ELRey’s Meat and Lube and Sometimes a Salad!!

Anyone want to donate to a man’s dream, we take all major credit cards PayPal and cold hard cash!

The Joys of Motherhood Part 2

Monday night we were trying to figure out what to have for dinner. With my subtle ways I hinted that I could go for a chicken-you know the ones you get at Macey’s at the deli? Yum. Dude, I totally suck those bones dry and beg for more. But in a very dainty ladylike way. Anyway my darling husband wasn’t quite so decided so I kept asking what he wanted-I was starving and my eating deadline of 7pm (no eating after 7) was fast approaching. The chicken hint came into play 2 or 3 more times. ElRey finally suggested Village Baker. Fine. Village Baker it is. He left to get our sandwiches when my cell phone rang just minutes after. It was The Love of My Life’s ringtone.

Me: “Hello?”

ElRey: “How about a chicken?” (Keep in mind I have suggested this at least 3 times in the past 2 hours!!!)

Me (fuming in fury): “Hmm…That’d be great!”

Ten minutes later, that old familiar ringtones blares from my sleek phone.

Me: “Yes?”

ElRey: “They are out of chicken, how about a frozen lasagna?”

Me: “I want a frozen lasagna as much as I want to be having this eternal conversation!!!”

ElRey: “How about I get some burgers to cook up?”

Me: “That would be great!” (He totally knew he had me at “meat”!)

He came home, cooked the burgers, they smelled divine!!! He fixes them up and says dinner is ready. The girls come running in the kitchen ready to eat. I look up there are only TWO hamburgers. The Most Wonderful Man in the Universe bought two hamburgers.

ElRey: “Oh, I didn’t even think about the girls….(to the girls)Do you guys want quesadillas or chicken nuggets?”

Audrey and Annie (in unison with screaming and crying involved): I want a hamburger!!!

Guess who had the quesadilla…

Someone owes me a chicken, dammit!

The Joys of Motherhood

Sunday morning Annie wouldn’t get out of the bath and, as always, I was in a bit of a hurry to get us all ready so I jumped in the bath with her which I do not like to do-too many questions, staring and little feet in unholy places.

As Annie was scoping out what God gave me she said, “Mom, did I drink milk from your boobies when I was a baby?”

Mom: “Yes, you did.”

Annie (giggling): “Your boobies look like floppy meatballs!”

Mom (quickly getting out of the tub of shame): “Thanks.” (What I wanted to say was, “I’ll have you know I have a great rack and any damage done was your fault!!”

Problems with Authority Much???

I have always had a pretty healthy respect for authority from my parents, teachers, religious leaders to my elders. The one thing I struggle with is bending the rules of said authority figures. I have always struggled with pushing those rules to their very limit and sometimes going beyond before I realize what I have done. For example:

• Sneaking out at night (only once or twice, I swear, mom and dad!!).
• Sluffing school to the point of it physically hurting to even be in class!
• Renting an R-rated movie at a party my parents let me have after they told me I couldn’t (Pink Floyd the Wall-totally awesomely wicked although I think some illegal drugs might have helped me get the whole experience!)!
• Kissing boys too much-which let’s face it, that is just dangerous!
• Posing as my BFF over the phone to quit her job “right this second” because of a bad case of mono (aka Super Bowl Sunday…).
• Flirting with the Elders on my mission…what!! That’s bad???
• Seeing how late I could be to work before anyone said anything.
• Lunch breaks slowly got longer at said work, again, to see if anyone would say anything.
• No where in the Word of Wisdom does it say “caffeinated beverages and/or sodas”….I’ll be right back I’ve gotta get me an iced cappuccino-it only said “hot beverages”!!

I am sure the list could go on to several more pages but you are probably wondering why I bring this up now. I am once again attempting to bend the rules of authority. My own!

My family and I started a “Biggest Loser Thomas Style” in our own attempt to battle the bulge. I sort of started it and came up with the rules. The main rule is we are allowed one day a week as a ‘cheat day’. The rest of the week we have to abstain from the items on our temptation list-we come up with our own list and post them for all to see. If we give in to our temptations we have to put $1 in the pot for each offense. At the end, the winner gets the pot. Do you see where I am going with this????

The first week I put down “eating after dinner”. A lot of calories are consumed in the part of my day. Most of the rest of my family listed their soda of choice, I did not. I felt bad about that so the next week I added Diet Coke and chocolate to my list. Let’s just say I owe A LOT of money at this point! I eventually sent an email to everyone requesting that I take it off my list.

They saw tough love as the most appropriate way to deal with me.

I am SOOOOOO not feeling the love!!

I don’t think they realize that it is way harder for me because I am weaker than most! I really don’t think the ‘rules’ should apply to me-I made the *swear-word* things up!! So I can change them, right???? RIGHT?????

I am resolved to start anew! I don’t need their tough-love!! I can do it! Even if it means chanting “CHEAT DAY!!” all day long! And when the 3-4 weeks is up(when I was told I can revise my list) I can tell them where to put their tough love!

That’s right, I said it!!

(I still love you guys, though!!)

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Thank you so much for the lovely comments on my last post! I wasn’t meaning to dig for compliments but I got them! If it wasn’t for the humbling experiences I had yesterday-my car being broken into and purse stolen, chipping my tooth somehow, teaching CTR 5(need I say more!!), my ginormo zit that keeps talking to me trying to convince me to take over downtown Kearns, and my salt laden (an accident, 1 tbs. of salt instead of 1 tbs. of sugar!!) biscuits-I would have a REALLY big head (and as I have said before, it is already freakishly big!!)!! You all rock and I love you!!

PS- They found ALL of my stuff from my purse (no purse, though…wah!!) on a *swear word* this morning and she is in custody! I am going to try to pay her a visit in jail in a private room-her, me and my Chuck Norris-y skills!!! The officer, Officer Boardman said he would hook me up! We are now engaged!! Don’t worry, ELRey said it was okay!

Life gave me a slap in the face but God gave me chocolate cake with hot fudge on top-except I can’t eat it till ‘cheat day’!!